“Yo man, you gotta do this before you graduate!”

No, you don’t.

At the end of the year, you always see the lists – the things you have to do before you leave school. You may have done one of these things yourself, and you’re probably pretty proud of it.

But trust us, you shouldn’t be.

If you haven’t done one of these things yet, we urge you to read this list carefully, and follow that voice inside that’s yelling at you: DON’T BE A TOOL.

• 10. Go to someone else’s lecture

  Face it. You don’t go to your own classes. If you get out of bed in the morning, go to your own class; you might learn something. If you don’t want to go to your own class, stay home and sleep.

• 9. Go on a bar marathon

  We like bar crawls. You get to go out with your friends, wear shirts with jokes that nobody else gets and go to bars you probably haven’t been to in a while. All in all, bar crawls are good, clean fun. It’s about who you’re with, not where you go. Bar marathons, however, are pure idiocy. Drinking for 12 straight hours and going to 20-plus bars is a recipe for disaster. You’re dehydrated, you’re too drunk for your own good and you’re running around on city streets.

• 8. Climb the Alma Mater

  Get down. It’s old, and you look ridiculous.

• 7. Go to class drunk

  Going to class is an astronomical feat, and if we’re there, we either want to sleep or learn. Drunk people make it hard to do either. We’re not suggesting you stop drinking at 8 a.m.; that would be absurd. Just stay out of our classes.

• 6. Chalk the Quad

  We’re not coming to your event, and we’re probably not going to vote for you. We also don’t care that it’s Jen-Jen’s birthday today. In fact, we hope it rains.

• 5. Go to a protest on the Quad

  Protests are a powerful form of civil disobedience. When used correctly, they can help sway the course of history. You and the four other people in your club protesting something ludicrous from the safety of the Quad doesn’t do any of those things. If you want to protest, do it right. Otherwise, you’re hurting your cause more than helping it.

• 4. Order Pokey Sticks

  As a freshman, you heard about this magical food called Pokey Sticks. Your RA ordered them for a floor meeting, you tried them, and you were in heaven. Then the next time you got drunk and wanted food, you decided to order these beautiful creations. News flash: Pokey Sticks are gross. They’re too greasy. Don’t buy food just for the stigma of it. Save your money, and buy some individuality.

• 3. Pull a fire alarm

  It’s 3 a.m., we’re tired, we want to sleep, but someone pulled the fire alarm. Now we gotta get up, and stand in the cold and make small talk with people we probably don’t like. The only fair punishment for this is a gauntlet of punches and kicks by everyone in the building.

• 2. Kiss your sweetheart before the eternal flame

  You’re just going to break up anyway. Plus, it’s not a flame, it’s a light.

• 1. Follow the I-Book list

  So much of our inspiration for this list came from the back of the I-book. On that list, you’ll find some of these, as well as a number of honorable mentions. Don’t let the back of the book tell you what you need to make your college experience memorable. Do your own thing – just don’t pull the damn fire alarm, we’re trying to sleep.