Sarah, Sarah, Sarah. Did you really spend thousands upon thousands of campaign dollars on clothing for not just you, but your family too? Don’t you think that is a little unethical? Didn’t you ever stop to think that maybe it contradicted your whole “Joe six-pack” philosophy and your humble hockey mom persona? I’m pretty sure most hockey moms can’t afford a $2,500 Valentino blazer.

Plus, Newsweek recently reported that you spent much more than the previously reported $150,000 outfitting yourself and family, and the final total was closer to $200,000.

I’m not quite sure how you interpreted instructions to buy six campaign suits and hire a stylist as an invitation to go on costly shopping sprees at Neiman Marcus and Saks Fifth Avenue.

I’m also not sure why you thought your family’s wardrobes needed designer upgrades, either. No offense to your husband Todd, but no one really cares what he looks like. Yet one aide reported that you spent somewhere around $20,000 to $40,000 on clothes for him.

Another aide angrily characterized your spending spree as “Wasilla hillbillies looting Neiman Marcus from coast to coast,” according to the same Newsweek article. Designer duds apparently do not automatically make you a cultured urbanite.

But Sarah, how on earth have you supposedly lost some articles of this clothing? Perhaps they are stashed, whoops, I mean misplaced, deep in your suitcase. Did you accidentally leave some of the clothes back in Wasilla, Alaska, say, hanging in your closet?

Wait a second – I’ll bet that Louis Vuitton bag your daughter Piper was sporting a few weeks ago is not really a fake at all! The real Louis Vuitton is hidden inside a fake exterior, and when people see you with the bag weeks later, its exterior shed, they’ll never suspect it is real. Obviously, Piper was just holding mommy’s purse while she gave speeches – it wasn’t really her bag. Well played, S-Pay.

What’s going to happen when the GOP lawyer who was dispatched to Alaska tries to retrieve some of your clothes to give to charity? A wrestling match? Actually, that would be awesome, so feel free to do that. Snow wrestling anyone? Iditarod challenge, perhaps?

You also reportedly asked a few different aides to use their own credit cards for the purchases. Why on earth would you try to spread out the spending, unless you knew how bad it would be for your image if the campaign was footing a bill closer to $200,000? And they say you have no intellectual depth.

Now, I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m still talking about you, even though the election ended last week. Well, Sarah, I think people who supported you and McCain financially are going to care about what you did with their money. When the Republican Party audits its book, it will be interesting to see how much you’ve actually spent on clothing. I wonder if you’re legally enitled to do any of this.

Despite the fact that you lost, you are still newsworthy. And if you really intend to run for presidency in 2012, I think people should be aware of how, um, intelligent you really are. These clothes weren’t forced upon you; you knew exactly what you were doing when you spent that money.

And don’t give me that crap about how Michelle Obama wore a Narciso Rodriguez dress for election night that cost somewhere around the same amount as your Valentino blazer. That was Michelle’s own dress, even if it was ugly and made her look like she was wearing an apron. If she chooses to wear designer clothes that she pays for, then more power to her.

Colleen is a senior in Media who hopes that the RNC feels like giving away S-Pay’s clothes to people like Colleen. Well, actually, to Colleen herself. She can be reached at [email protected].