Real housewives, real disgust: The Atlanta wives’ reunion

By Colleen Loggins

It is near the end of the Real Housewives of Atlanta reunion on Bravo. Andy Cohen, the host of the special, picks up another note card with a question. He has been getting multiple e-mails during the commercial break about the show so far. One viewer in particular has been furiously typing away.

Andy: Alright. This next question that I have is for Kim, from Colleen in Champaign, Illinois.

(Andy reads)

Dear Kim,

You are perhaps the most trashy and stupid person that I have ever seen on reality TV. K-A-T, Kim? That’s how you spell “cat”? Didn’t you learn to spell that word in kindergarten, or maybe first grade? I know you claimed to have “just made a mistake” blah blah blah and you know how to spell it, but I don’t believe you and am very disturbed by your spelling deficiencies. You are a 30-year-old woman. Or should I say a “30-year-old” woman? If you really are 30, you should be the poster child for the American Medical Association’s anti-smoking and anti-tanning campaigns.

You look like a 49-year-old broken-down country singer. Yet unfortunately for you, looking like a country singer does not give you the ability to sing like one. Also, why are you kind of a prostitute? Well, not kind of. You sleep with married men for cars and jewelry, and you do not have a job. So if you couldn’t spend money on DeShawn’s auction for charity, why didn’t you get your “Big Poppa” to purchase something? It’s not like he couldn’t afford it. He did just buy you a $16,000 bracelet a few minutes before the auction took place. What is wrong with you?

Andy: Yes. These are all great points. No Kim, there’s no need to respond. We are still on a commercial break. I just enjoy reading comments from viewers. Here’s one for Sheree, also from Colleen.

Sheree,

You should fix the hole on the shoulder of your dress. It’s pissing me off. You know, for a fashion designer, that was a poor choice. Actually, I don’t think that you can really be called a fashion designer. I know you think that real fashion designers don’t sketch or sew, but do you realize that these fashion designers you speak of are the biggies in the industry who don’t need to sketch or sew any longer because they’ve made it, right?

You saying that designers don’t need to know how to do those things because all they need is a vision just proves how little you know about fashion. Do you actually think you’ll make it in the world of fashion? Also, do you really not know what a gold-digger is? Or was saying you didn’t know the term just your plan to try to make yourself look innocent? What it did was make you look like you had been hanging around Kim for far too long.

Andy: Yes, also true. Shhh, Sheree. Don’t speak yet. Save your energy for a catfight. I have another e-mail from Colleen for NeNe.

NeNe,

You are awesome.

Andy: Well, that’s not really a question, but I’ll allow it. Okay, one final question from Colleen. This one is for Lisa.

Lisa,

Are you and NeNe best friends now? I kind of hope so. I’m really glad that you got some personality and decided to threaten to flip Kim over the couch. She deserves it. I only wish you actually would have done it, if only because she looks like she’s going to a holiday party at the local PTA in that awkward pantsuit. Or because people that stupid shouldn’t be allowed to become famous.

Andy: Agreed. Okay, well it’s about time for the show to resume. No DeShawn, there really aren’t any questions for you. Just keep sitting there in silence.

Colleen is a senior in Media who, on a completely unrelated note, thinks you should be aware of the horrible movie that is Australia. If you see it, you will be sorry. She can be reached at [email protected]