COLUMN: Stop giving celebrities so many awards – their egos are big enough

By Colleen Loggins

It’s awards season yet again, and I for one feel overwhelmed with the amount of awards shows that seem to exist purely for stoking the already inflated egos of Hollywood. Why do we need so many different ceremonies to celebrate actors and actresses? Sure, they provide us with an endless amount of entertainment, and I love celebrity gossip, but even I draw the line when it comes to award season.

Why are these people so special that they are honored for three straight months? Really people, what purpose do the Golden Globes have? Supposedly they exist to promote the best in television and movies, but if I recall correctly, we already have two shows to do just that.

And why do we have the Screen Actors Guild awards? So that sycophantic actors can suck up to one another and have conversations like these:

Brad Pitt: Hello there, Mickey Rourke. I just love what you did in The Wrestler. You’re so talented and have had the greatest comeback of all time. Yours is even greater than Britney’s.

Mickey Rourke: Why thank you, Brad. I quite agree that I am amazing. But even more amazing than myself is this little lady by your side with whom you seem to always be holding hands or touching, almost as if you’re trying to prove how in love and happy you two are. It’s kind of like TomKat, but less revolting.

But I digress. Angelina, you are pure heaven. The way you’ve worn your designer gown backward – it’s genius. And all of that serious motherly emotion you displayed in Changeling made me want to adopt a few Vietnamese kids. You’re Mother Teresa, only better.

Angelina Jolie: Moi? Oh excuse me, I meant to say me. I’ve just been living in France for so long that I sometimes forget to speak Anglais when I am in the States. Yes, I am a goddess, but Bradley here is a true artiste. Have you seen The Curious Case of Benjamin Button? The way that Bradley can be both young and old is fantastic. He’s such a good actor. Dare I say, the best actor in the history of acting? Yes, yes I do dare.

Brad: No, Mickey is the best.

Mickey: No, no Angelina is.

Angelina: Brad is truly divine.

(well, you get the point)

It’s not that I mind celebrating achievements in acting and music; I just don’t think we need more than three award shows. We should keep the Academy Awards to honor those in the movie business, the Grammys for the music industry and the Emmys for TV. That way, celebrities can still get awards, designers can still show off their gowns, actors can still blow smoke up each other’s butts and Joey Fatone and Lisa Rinna can still get work.

Colleen is a senior in Media who is appalled Australia wasn’t a contender for best picture at the Oscars. The movie had everything: Nicole Kidman singing,, a love story and people dealing with racism. The only thing missing was an alien invasion. Colleen can be reached at [email protected]