Column: The best and worst of celebrity couples (and some others in between)

By Colleen Loggins

Valentine’s Day is around the corner, and in honor of this lover’s holiday, I’ve decided to compile a list of celebrity couples – those I like, and those I can’t stand.

Best:

G.O.B (Will Arnett) and Amy Poehler: The two of them are absolutely hilarious, and you can never go wrong when you marry someone who was in both “Arrested Development” and “30 Rock,” two of the greatest shows of all time. They may be the funniest couple ever, and now they have a son who can combine their comedic genius and become the funniest man alive when he grows up (not to pressure him or anything).

Portia de Rossi and Ellen DeGeneres: Perhaps I love them because of my love for all things “Arrested Development,” but I think they make a great couple. They seem very much in love and both are perhaps even more appreciative of each other because neither of them ever thought they would be able to get married.

Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher: When they first started dating, I was just as shocked as the next person, but after a while, it became totally normal that they were together. I think they are really cute and I would be quite upset if they were ever to break up.

Worst: (life would be much less irritating if these people were not together)

Speidi, a.k.a Heidi and Spencer from “The Hills”: I absolutely cannot stand these two and I think that they are sickening to watch. Recently, photos of them “shopping” at a 99-cent store surfaced, and I’m just curious if they thought that would actually fool people into thinking that they were “normal people.” Everything they do is for publicity. Who knows if they are even a real couple?

Tyra Banks and Tyra Banks: Let’s be honest, this is an accurate pairing. Tyra is completely obsessed with herself and no matter what, everything is about her. Just listen to her on “America’s Next Top Model” reruns or on her talk show. Say, hypothetically, some other top model grew up in the ghetto, with a coked-up mother and deadbeat dad, and had to work when she was just 11 years old as a drug mule for the Russian mob. Tyra would point out that she did that too, except she did it with a stomach condition and some missing toes because, you know, she’s just that amazing. As a mature adult, Miss Banks, why don’t you just marry yourself if you’re so in love with you? Whoops, no, Tyra, that was a joke, please don’t try to do it.

TomKat a.k.a. Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes (there seems to be a pattern here too – all of the annoying celebrity couples have combined first names): this couple may be worse than Speidi, if that’s even possible. Tom Cruise is absolutely off his rocker and I am convinced that their relationship is all one big facade. For instance, when he was at Serendipity 3 in NYC, guests reported seeing him stand up for the whole restaurant to see and announcing that he was going to “give his wife a kiss” and then supposedly grabbed Katie by the back of the head and planted a big one on her. Why would he announce his PDA? I think his incessant need to prove that they are in love is highly suspect.

My favorite rumor is that he and Katie (or Kate, if she’s still insisting she be called that because she is a serious and sophisticated woman) just got together so they could convince people he was not gay and she could re-launch her career. And I think Suri is supposed to be some sort of special scientology baby, the poor kid. Whatever the case may be, I have no desire to see any of Tom’s movies anymore because his personal life is so stupidly irritating.

Colleen is a senior in Media who is very much in love with her own boyfriend, Kevin Loster, and she is extremely glad that they are nothing like the worst celebrity couples. She can be reached at [email protected]