Family tries to remember daughter, not her death

By Christine Won

Editor’s Note: The interview with Sun Sil Yoon has been translated from Korean by the reporter.

She knows there is a cemetery where her 22-year-old daughter is buried but has not been there since the burial; she just cannot bring herself to physically see with her own eyes her daughter’s grave.

This Saturday marks the one-year anniversary of alumna Caroline “Sunee” Yoon’s death last Unofficial, March 3, 2006, in a motorcycle accident.

“I couldn’t bring myself to visit her grave,” said Sun Sil Yoon. “As a parent, how can you bear to see your child’s burial site?”

Yoon said Caroline’s dad, Won, has been going to the cemetery every week to bring her flowers.

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When Caroline’s friend called to see if Yoon had seen the flowers they had placed by Caroline’s cemetery six months after her death, Yoon said the friend cried when she told her she hadn’t been able to get herself to go.

Caroline’s friend’s Xanga.com online journal has several dedicated posts to Caroline. One entry posted March 10, 2006, includes some excerpts Caroline wrote to her friend in several e-mails while they were reading “The Jesus I Never Knew” by Philip Yancey together.

One month before her death, Caroline’s e-mail to her friend reads: “You will NEVER know why God does things and why he doesn’t. His acts are incomprehensible to us.”

Another post on March 14, 2006, Caroline’s would-be 23rd birthday, reads: “Until we meet again my guardian angel.”

For Caroline’s mom, her only comfort lies in knowing that Caroline is in heaven. Although the family doesn’t go to church, Yoon said she prays for Caroline every morning.

The upcoming anniversary of Caroline’s death holds no significant meaning for her mom because each day is a remembrance of Caroline.

“Every day, every second, I’m thinking about her,” Yoon said, her soft voice breaking with tears. “There’s never a day I’m not thinking about her.

“I’m very grateful that Caroline left me nothing but good memories,” Yoon continued. “I miss her. I can picture her face, or her sleeping in her bed, or exercising.”

Barbecues and picnics remind Yoon of Caroline’s simple joy in the small things.

With the one-year mark approaching, Yoon said she has been thinking about visiting the cemetery this Saturday.

Yoon said the family doesn’t talk about Caroline’s death or the anniversary much but they, through small gestures, support one another.

Like Caroline would want, Yoon said for the past year the family has been trying to smile and encourage each other.

For example, Yoon remembered e-mailing Caroline’s younger brother, William, who she knew was sad and missing his sister, “Live life with full enthusiasm to honor your sister.”

Yoon has the last birthday card Caroline gave her, which says, “Mom, I love you, hahaha” as an inside joke mimicking a comedian’s laughter.

But for Yoon, she believes it means Caroline wants her to laugh and be happy. “Remembering you, I will smile,” Yoon promises Caroline every day.

“Our family, we just take one day at a time,” Yoon said. “Sunee left a lot of love. Her warm heart is living in us still.”