Generally, I am supportive of people who try to discover their own special way of being cool. There comes a time, however, when this quest for coolness becomes nothing more than a sad attempt to fit in. The results can be quite nauseating.

Such behavior is often demonstrated during the pre-teen and early-teenage years. For instance, I recently attended a Phish cover band concert where pre-pubescent conformity filled the air.

I am familiar with approximately one Phish song (someone asked me to come along), and not knowing what to expect, I cautiously took a seat in the corner of the balcony area. Within seconds, I was joined by a pack of kids who easily were the youngest and most obnoxious individuals in the concert hall.

Most of these kids were wearing Grateful Dead T-shirts that looked like they had been bought for this occasion alone. Surprised to see a bunch of 12-year-old Deadheads in the first place, I was completely shocked when half of the pre-teens started lighting up right before my eyes. They obviously were shooting for the appearance of young adults, but their voice boxes wouldn’t have it. I was surrounded by squeaking mice.

Doing my best to remain indifferent to the situation, I focused my eyes on the stage. Before I could say “poser alert,” one of the brats did a pathetic little jig across the balcony and ended up directly in my line of sight. Printed in big white letters on his shirt were the words, “I miss Garcia.”

Actually, bud, you missed Garcia. The odds of this kid ever having seen Jerry Garcia perform live are about equal to the odds of me not wanting to throw him over the railing of the balcony. If he had, the brat actually would have the chance to meet Garcia, and his shirt wouldn’t be so damn embarrassing.

Now, I’m honestly not that big of a curmudgeon. I realize these kids might have just been trying to relax and have a good time – seventh grade can be rough. But I’m worried that their behavior was not so much a true expression of themselves, as it was a desperate attempt to be part of the stoner crowd.

Part of me wanted to walk up to the group and ask one of them to name three Grateful Dead songs without any help from their friends. I believe many of them wouldn’t have been able to do it. Everyone occasionally suffers from the “I have to look awesome and rebellious” syndrome, but as I watched these kids make total fools of themselves, I wondered how much of their lives were going to be spent on bands and cigarettes they only pretended to like.

I’m afraid this burning desire to be part of the crowd doesn’t end with eighth-grade graduation, and it only intensifies during high school. Actually, I’ve run into this conformist attitude with many of the college freshmen who come home for the first time.

When I run into these people, I expect them to be similar to what they were like the last time I saw them. In reality, the conversations are far below my expectations.

It seems as if all they are willing to discuss is how awesome they are now. Almost every comment is an attempt to remind me that they are no longer the straight-edged person they were a whopping three months ago. I feel as I’m watching an audition tape for The Real World. I’m surprised I didn’t get flashed in the process.

It’s important for people to feel accepted by others – I never would try to deny that. However, the price of acceptance shouldn’t come at the expense of smoking when you’re 12 or constantly reminding others you’ve changed since you’ve gone away to school. Coolness is a wonderful thing to attain, but if you have to lose yourself in the process, perhaps we should re-evaluate its worth.

Jon Monteith is a sophomore in LAS. His column runs Tuesdays. He can be reached at [email protected].