There are many stupid things that I have done in my life: There was that time when I was 16 years old, and I plowed into a brick planter with my sister’s brand new Chrysler Sebring.

There was that time when I tried to wax my eyebrows by myself and ended up with second degree burns and a slight eye twitch.

There was that time when I failed Classic Civ 116 and didn’t graduate on time – oh wait, that hasn’t happened yet.

These crimes, horrific and disfiguring as they may have been, were victimless. Most of my I Love Lucy moments generally are.

But last year, through the use of this fine Daily Illini mouthpiece, I hurt many people. For this, I am now offering a genuine apology. I have tossed and turned over this matter for many months now. Since my nights are made sleepless enough by my fears of the Pigman from Saw, I decided that it was high time for me to make recompense.

In the spring semester of last year, I wrote a few columns on the debate over gay marriage, Christianity, eternal damnation and other fun subjects. I used this column to express certain beliefs that had been taught to me since childhood.

For those of you who don’t know me (that’s all right, all three of you), let me explain to you a little bit of my background.

I was raised in a very religious household, primarily on frozen chicken and burnt macaroni and cheese (No offense, Mom). Like most kids, I went to school, cheated on my homework and read The Outsiders 50 times.

However, unlike most kids, I went to church three times a week for roughly four-and-a-half hours. Religion was an intense force in my life, one that I alternately hated or found peace in.

Sure, there were the good times at church camp when a redhead named Matt tried to grope me to the tune of The Bloodhound Gang. Sure, there was the time when Mrs. Hamm pulled us girls aside to tell us about the red rose petals that would be visiting us once a month.

But it wasn’t all gas and gaiters. With religion comes guilt, and certain types of ideologies can be hard to break away from.

So last semester, after coming upon hard times, I allowed myself to give into the lessons of my childhood. Quite honestly, it was easier than thinking on my own.

Accordingly, I did what I thought was required of me. I wrote unsympathetic and unfair things about people whose beliefs do not fall into the narrow boundaries of Christianity. It was something that I not only had no right to do but also something that I barely believed myself.

Of course, before I go offending yet another group of people, let me state that this is not an attack on Christianity. I know amazing people who are Christians, and I know amazing people who are not Christians.

But, more importantly, I now know that I can and must think for myself. These thoughts tell me what I knew back as a 9-year-old in Sunday school. The confusion and disbelief that I felt when I discovered my best friend was going to hell because she was Hindu is the same confusion and disbelief that I feel now.

As such, I retract the statements that I made last year on the subject of gay marriage and otherwise.

Of course, I do not expect everyone to automatically forgive and forget. So if you want to come up to me on the streets and scream at me, that’s okay.

But you should probably know that through some unfortunate printer error, my picture and Elizabeth Aleman’s have been switched. So go ahead and give this black-haired beauty a piece of your mind.

She … er, I mean me … will be more than happy to hear it.