The most important thing I’ve learned outside of school in the last few years is to not make sex videos of yourself because, shockingly, people who you don’t want viewing them eventually will. Now, I don’t speak from personal experience, because really, what kind of weirdo would want to spend an intimate evening using Windows Media Player to watch me get my mack on? Plus, I don’t have a Web cam … that anybody else knows about.

Just recently, I learned of a girl at another university who taped herself performing a little strip show and e-mailed it as a gift to her boyfriend. Well, a funny thing happened on the way to the inbox. It turns out that girlfriend decided to grab a little action on the side, and when boyfriend found out, he wasn’t too pleased. Boyfriend then expressed his displeasure by distributing her video all over the Internet. The second-most important lesson: cheating leads to bad things.

Of course, sex videos make the most news when a celebrity is involved. Perhaps the most well-known sex tape is the Pamela Anderson-Tommy Lee video. What did we all learn from that little gem? Well, we learned just how much Tommy and Pam love each other (which today appears not to be as much as it once was), and we learned that Tommy Lee might be a candidate for a future career in thoroughbred racing.

Nearly as infamous is the Paris Hilton video that’s been making the rounds on the Internet. And what was the lesson we learned from that? Don’t trust creepy old guys – but we already knew that anyway.

But now there is a new, Napoleonic ruler of the sex video throne. He is a man who truly does it all for the nookie – Limp Bizkit’s lead singer, Fred Durst. Durst claims his video was copied off of his computer by somebody fixing the machine.

“Somebody that was repairing my computer was smart enough to go through everything he could (and found the movie). What can I say? I’m not proud of it,” Durst said.

Yeah Fred, it takes a real genius to open a computer file and then access the Internet. Perhaps a better way to put it would be: “The famous person who owns the computer was dumb enough to leave private and sensitive information in the hands of a total stranger. What can I say? I’m a moron.”

For journalistic purposes, I watched the Fred Durst video, and I can easily say it was the worst three minutes I’ve spent in my entire life. While straining to keep my eyes open, I was treated to what seemed to be an eternity of grotesque close-ups of the full Frederick. When the video briefly cut to the Fred Durst “oh-face,” I nearly vomited all over my keyboard. The one thing I did get out of watching the video, however, is that I can tell people that I’ve finally seen what midget porn looks like.

The Paris Hilton video at least has a few sequences that are pretty humorous. The same cannot be said for Mr. Durst. Much like his music, his video really has no redeeming qualities.

Our current technology is pretty amazing – and that includes the ease of filming and distributing videos on the Web. It’s because of this ease that embarrassing press has recently been showered upon celebrities like Hilton and Durst. Anderson and Lee, on the other hand, are two individuals who probably enjoyed getting the extra face time. At least Motley Crue is finally doing something again.

So unless you’re an exhibitionist or just like to showboat, it’s probably best to keep the camera turned off during naughty time. And if you’re anything like Fred Durst (and let’s pray that you’re not), it’s probably difficult enough to deal with you when you’re clothed.