Harriet Miers, President Bush’s nominee to fill the vacancy on the Supreme Court, is a rabid right-wing crony hell-bent on destroying a woman’s right to choose. No, wait, that’s not right. Harriet Miers is a crazed leftist in disguise, prepared to betray the Republican Party by furthering this nation’s moral erosion as an activist judge. Hold on, that’s not accurate either. Just who exactly is Harriet Miers and what does she think about abortion? Answer: that’s about as efficient a question as asking how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop. Damn owl.

Here is what we do know about Ms. Miers. She received a bachelor’s in mathematics in 1967 and a juris doctorate in 1970 from Southern Methodist University. She became president of the State Bar of Texas by 1992. Throughout this time she rose through the ranks of the largest law firm in Texas, eventually attaining the position of co-managing president by 1996. In 2003, she was appointed assistant to the president and deputy chief of staff, serving as one of the President’s top domestic policy advisors.

That’s what she looks like on paper. We also know she is unmarried but very close with one of the most conservative justices on the Texas Supreme Court and former colleague, Nathan L. Hecht. On their facebook profiles, they have labeled it “an open relationship.” She also converted from Roman Catholicism to evangelical Christianity in her 30’s, with Justice Hecht’s guidance.

Given this background, it appears that Harriet Miers will be the kind of justice to march in lock step with the conservative judicial philosophy. However, nominees with little judicial paper trail have burned Republicans in the past.

Justice David H. Souter, pegged by author P.J. O’Rourke as “a complete S.O.B. of a conservative,” and by National Right to Life’s John Willke as “a judicial conservative, what we call a constitutional constructionist” became a huge disappointment for conservatives when he actually got to the court, often voting with the most liberal justices.

The same happened with former Chief Justice Earl Warren, who earned his appointment as a political favor, as well as Justices Brennan, Blackmun, Stevens, O’Connor and Kennedy. All forgot who buttered their bread before the Shroud of Life tenure was laid upon their heavenly shoulders.

Even with Chief Justice Roberts, we didn’t have many hints as to how he would vote on the Supreme Court. What would happen if both Roberts and Miers became the court’s new Warren and O’Connor? It would spell disaster for a court with any hope of balance and restraint.

With no history as a judge and little dependent social policy formation, appointing Harriet Miers to the Supreme Court is a huge gamble for President Bush. In a Fox News interview with former Congressman Martin Frost, D-Texas, a good friend of Miers, Britt Hume poked and prodded Frost for her political stance on the issue of abortion. Yet Frost was reluctant to give any hint as to where she stood – mostly because he didn’t know.

Upon visiting Moveon.org, a far left-wing political action committee, and clicking “Who is Harriet Miers?” you are sent to a page thanking you for “helping us research President Bush’s nominee.” Within hours of the Roberts nomination, Moveon.org was prepared with press releases and commercials ripping his conservatism, but days later, they still can’t figure out who Miers is. They aren’t even trying to lie about her.

In the end, it really doesn’t matter what Miers personally thinks about abortion. Roe v. Wade is a question of law, not politics, and I’m sure she knows that. But when she is confronted with legal questions of brain fingerprinting and genetic screening, the Supreme Court docket of tomorrow, how will she interpret a constitution that is silent on these issues? That is what we need to know in order to trust Harriet Miers on the bench of the highest court, and that is more difficult than chomping on a Tootsie Pop.

Chuck Prochaska is a junior in LAS. His column appears every Thursday. He can be reached at [email protected].