Keep thinking outside the bun, and emergency room

By Sujay Kumar

There are moments when, with a heavy heart, you must ignore your stomach and swallow the truth. It is in these moments that with a great sadness, you must condemn even the tastiest of friends.

Since November 2006, almost 200 Taco Bell-related cases of E.coli have been confirmed in the United States. The outbreak is believed to be linked to green onions or lettuce.

One month ago, a television crew in New York filmed quite the disgusting scene through the window of a closed Taco Bell/Kentucky Fried Chicken. The restaurant, which passed a health inspection just one day earlier, was infested with rats.

At least a dozen rats were captured on camera scurrying around the floor, while nibbling at leftover crumbs and at one another. The vermin looked as though they were letting loose on Spring Break as they wrestled on tabletops and licked trays connected to children’s seats.

Yum Brands Inc., which owns both restaurants, cited basement construction being done at the time as the cause of the incident. Neighboring vendors said that the Taco Bell owners’ reckless handling of garbage was to blame for the disaster.

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Whatever the cause may have been, it was too late. Footage of the vermin was plastered on television networks and on the Internet as the story spread. Headlines varied, but the phrase “Taco Bell Rat Infestation” seemed to stick.

In the aftermath of these incidents, lives were lost, lunches were thrown up and mothers warned their children not to go near Taco Bell. Taco Bell was condemned. Taco Bell was crucified. But Taco Bell is not the only business to threaten our lives.

Dole seems to think nothing goes better with cantaloupe than Salmonella. Bulk shipping of the fruit from Costa Rica to America was cited as the root of the outbreak. No matter how nifty those melon scoopers are, a perfect cantaloupe ball is ruined by bacteria.

The chicken with clam flavor of Wild Kitty cat food failed to notify meow lovers that Salmonella was an added ingredient to their original blend. Sure cats love chicken and clams, but I doubt any would die for it.

Kraft Foods’ ready-to-kill Chicken Breast Strips and Cuts were mislabeled as ready-to eat. Along with regular seasoning, Listeria monocytogenes were included on the meat. Lunch meat is delicious, but Listeria can be fatal.

Almost like Willy Wonka’s golden ticket, Peter Pan peanut butter hid Salmonella in jars bought after May 2006. Since August, more than 290 people have claimed their prize. The outbreak has been linked to dirty jars or equipment at the factory, which I assume is in Neverland. PBJS, peanut butter jelly Salmonella, just doesn’t have that same ring to it.

As you read this, four fingers will be found in Wendy’s chili across the nation.

All of these unsanitary scares, except for the Wendy’s chili, hit the news in the last month. Then why is Taco Bell the brute of our scorn?

I’m not saying we shouldn’t fear that sanitary conditions are crumbling and threatening our very existence. Any sane individual would agree that risking your life for a Nacho bel Grande is definitely not worth it.

Yet, at the same time, we have to realize that these are isolated events. E.coli and Salmonella are not items on the Super Value Menu.

And so, I will still go to Taco Bell and stare at the bluish-purple menu. I will order a baja chicken chalupa, a Mexican pizza, and a carmel apple empanada. And if I’m still hungry, I will order a crunch wrap supreme and I will drench it in mild, hot or fire sauce.

For there are moments you must condemn even the tastiest of friends, but now is not that moment, Taco Bell.