Yesterday I finally arrived back on campus after an eight-month absence, and today is the first day of my last year of undergraduate education. Fresh from a study abroad semester in Vienna, Austria, I can hardly think of anything but my six-month Euro adventure. So for all those who requested traveler’s tales, here are a few aspects of my personal Vienna/Chambana culture clash.

Here’s how the game works: Vienna’s population is just more than 1.5 million. Chambana’s is barely more than 100,000. Point for Vienna. Very simple.

Let’s try another tack. Vienna has Roman ruins, but the University has the largest Greek system in the world. And though many fraternity houses are falling apart on the inside, at least they’re still standing, which is more than can be said for those piles of rubble in Europe. Point Chambana.

How has each city affected its culture? From 1440 to the end of World War I, Vienna was home to the great Hapsburg Empire. Thanks to the Hapsburgs, Vienna was for a time the capital of the Holy Roman Empire, and the historic city center is liberally sprinkled with museums, statues and churches built by and for this great royal family. The Hapsburg dynasty had an enormous influence during their reign, perhaps most notably in 1914 when the assassination of Archduke Francis Ferdinand proved the final spark in igniting World War I.

Champaign may not have any royal family to boast of, but it is the proud headquarters of the Jimmy John’s empire. The Jimmy John’s franchise is 500 stores strong, offers a wide selection of processed meats and cheeses and stays open until 4 a.m., and is always available whenever its constituents may need a sandwich or a place to hide from the cold. One could not say the same of the Hapsburgs; however, they still win because Jimmy John’s sandwiches just aren’t that good.

Nightlife? In Vienna the sketchiest of bars was Kaiko. Located in the bowels of the subway, its Monday “Student Night” specials included a 7-8 p.m. happy hour of free drinks – no cover, no limit, no questions. Everyone frequented Kaiko at one time or another, rallying with the battle cry, “On Mondays we go to Kaiko!”

I think the UI equivalent would be KAMS, but to be honest, I’ve never been inside KAMS. Maybe if they had a free happy hour I’d go, but because they don’t, score for Vienna.

How about what really matters – academics. Both the University of Illinois and the University of Vienna are world class universities, respectively placing 77th and 87th in the 2006 QS World University Rankings. In Vienna I took a course taught by Dr. Werner Zdouc, director of the World Trade Organization Appellate Body Secretariat. Nice.

Of course, the University has big shot professors as well – Nobel laureates, former presidential advisers, magnates of the business world. But most of these people I will never take a class with, in fact will never meet. What really sets the University apart is our glorious, glorious library, with those millions of books just waiting to be discovered in those hallowed musty stacks. I could hardly love our library more if it wrote my papers for me. Point Illini.

The decisive victory in this reckoning goes to Vienna, and the trump card’s name is Kleines Caf‚, or Caf‚ Hawelka, or Caf‚ Central. Vienna’s coffeehouses are legendary, claiming as clientele Albert Einstein, Leon Trotsky and Peter Altenberg. The Viennese think nothing of lingering several hours amidst these plush and marble havens, sipping a m‚lange and perusing the day’s newspaper. It’s a small but fascinating reflection of the different way their society views work and relaxation and public space.

Finally, you ask, if Vienna wins so easily – why am I here? The answer, dear reader, can be found at any currency exchange.

Excuse me while I go to work.