This may seem like torture, but it’s about time we acknowledged that our best friends up north have a national anthem.

No really, the song even has lyrics besides “O Canada!”:

“With glowing hearts we see thee rise/The True North strong and free, / Assuming that parties involved with said freedom are subject to review by United States governmental agencies that include but are not limited to the Central Intelligence Agency, the Federal Bureau of Investigation, and the National Geospatial-Intelligence Agency, and if aforementioned liberty is not in line with U.S. foreign policy it may be prohibited until further investigation, / O Canada!”

Last week, a Canadian government training manual, which cited the United States among nine countries where prisoners may possibly be at risk of torture, was leaked to the media.

In a page about the definition of torture, six “U.S. interrogation techniques” were listed. These included prisoner nudity, blindfolds, isolation, and sleep deprivation. Guantanamo Bay was also pinpointed as a site of possible abuse.

In reaction to Canada’s accidental accusation, the equivalent of a sweet Canadian best friend forever such as Celine Dion stabbing you in the back, a furious United States Government lashed back. In a statement from U.S. Ambassador David Wilkins, the United States stated that it was “offended” by its inclusion in the torture manual and that it was not only “ridiculous,” but also “absurd” to be featured on a list with Iran and China. So much for global goodwill.

Furthermore, Wilkins stressed that since the U.S. does not use or condone torture tactics, it peacefully, scratch that, forcefully requests that its name be removed from the shocking training manual. You can only imagine what would happen to Canada’s Parliament city if these demands were not met. Edmonton would burn! I mean, Ottawa would burn!

It’s here where we would expect the “True North strong and free” Canadians to gather armies, mainly the fierce brute force of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police, and march to Washington to defend the ideals of the Maple Leaf.

Instead, the Canadians did an about face. Foreign Affairs Minister Maxime Bernier announced with regret and embarrassment that the torture manual wrongly pointed a finger at the United States. After closer review, the manual would be rewritten with the U.S., Canada’s closest ally and old pal, removed from the torture list. The not-so-brave Canadians also stressed that the manual is in no way a policy document or statement.

In addition, the torture manual was described as only a “tool to raise public issues to stimulate discussion and debate in classrooms.” We better listen to the Canadians.

It’s no secret that in recent years, specifically post Sept. 11, the United States and torture have had a rocky relationship. Although the President has given his word that America is torture-free, there have been reports that suggest otherwise.

The New York Times reported that the Justice Department endorsed some of the CIA’s harshest interrogation tactics, including simulated drowning. Attorney General Michael Mukasey stirred some controversy recently when he said that he did not know if the infamous technique known as waterboarding, which he did think was repugnant, was a form of torture.

The outsourcing of torture, err, enhanced interrogation is also a cause for concern. The mistaken Canadian manual was itself initiated in part after an innocent Canadian thought to be a terrorist was tortured after U.S. authorities sent him to Syria.

And what about the destruction of tapes that depicted extreme interrogation techniques used on suspected al-Qaida operatives at Guantanamo Bay?

These stories hardly scratch the surface of the huge gray area surrounding the question of whether international laws defined for prisoners and torture even apply to “detainees” and “enhanced interrogation,” as we’ve come to know them.

But is it really that outrageous to suggest that the United States may be using torture today? Looks like those silly Canadians really messed up, eh?

Sujay is a junior in biochemistry. He grew up in Saskatoon, Saskatchewan and is currently rockin’ a green card.