In last week’s column, I took a comical approach to black social progress in the United States. Chris Rock first made a list in his now-canceled HBO show, so I’m updating it with the events of the spring semester.

“Do you smell what Barack is cooking?”

I am not sure what he’s cooking but I believe it’s “change,” with a dash of “hope.” Who would have thought a candidate by the name of Barack Obama would have made it this far in the race for the presidency? Not only is he still around, but he’s the front-runner! Barack started off strong winning the Iowa caucus and Super Tuesday. According to The Washington Post, Barack Obama appeals to more independents than his competitor, Hillary Clinton. To the dismay of Barack supporters, Hillary is still in the race, fighting but refusing to die like Jason from “Friday the 13th.” She’s made a comeback in the last two primaries, but even blind squirrels find nuts. Barack Obama catapults blacks forward 20 steps.

“Flavor of Love 3”?

Because nobody asked for it, Flavor Flav is back. For his third “attempt” to find love, Flavor Flav has invited a dozen more bad-tempered and distasteful females into his obnoxiously time-conscious house. I will admit that I did watch parts of the first two seasons, but when I accidently tuned into an episode of the third, I was thoroughly surprised. The show hasn’t changed (except for the women), at all. No new gimmicks, new rules or new twists. The Amish Church Web site has more new features than this show. Even never ending shows, like “The Real World/Road Rules,” understand a new gimmick is needed once in awhile. Talk about beating a dead horse. Flavor Flav takes us back five steps for him not knowing when his time is up.

Beyonce and Jay-Z say, “I do.”

Seems like they have been dating forever but rap artist Jay-Z and diva Beyonce have finally tied the knot. They are a perfect example of a responsible relationship. This couple has taken six years to truly date and get to know each other. I don’t want to speak too soon, but I believe this marriage is going to last. If I am correct and these two mega-stars can put aside their egos to deal with problems that long-term relationships create, then I think almost any couple can work out their differences. Two steps down the aisle for the pronouncement of Mr. and Mrs. Jay-Z.

Black churches demonized

The cat’s out of the bag, white people have found out what really goes on in black churches. Unlike the movie portrayal of African American churches – with a lot of singing, dancing and shaking – black churches are extremely political. But instead of America moving on, it has started pointing fingers. And what better person to demonize than Barack Obama’s pastor, the Rev. Jeremiah Wright? Rev. Wright has devoted himself to his country as a Marine and to his community by instituting self-help programs in his church. Yes, he has said some unpopular things (and I don’t agree with some of the them), but he is a pastor, not a politician; to demonize Barack for something he didn’t say is wrong and petty. Furthermore, no one has questioned John McCain’s spiritual guide, the Rev. Rod Parsley, who is on record saying he believes America was created to destroy Islam and believes America should be ruled as a theocracy. America’s quick accusations set blacks back seven steps.

WeCanSolveIt.org

In attempt to get people to start caring about our environment, conservatives and liberals have banded together in the “wecansolveit” campaign. Some might question how this is evidence of black progress but this is really progress for all mankind, which of course, includes African Americans. When natural disasters hit, poor people are usually the most affected (like in Hurricane Katrina). Because blacks make up a disproportionate number of the needy, any action which helps the less fortunate, both directly and indirectly, is a positive. A country’s success is not determined by wealth of its richest, or the might of its army – it’s determined by the status of its poor. Ten steps forward because we can solve it.

Paul is a junior in political and computer science and is playing “Grand Theft Auto IV” right now. Really.