The Daily Illini wants you to be an opinions columnist. That wasn’t dramatic enough. The end is near, the ground shakes, hail falls from the sky and you should apply to be a columnist. Way too much impending doom. The Daily Illini wants YOU to be an opinions columnist. Can’t go wrong with all caps.

Coming into college inspired by Superman and “All the President’s Men,” I had dreams of being a newspaper reporter. After being rejected by The Daily Illini three semesters in a row, I applied to be an opinions columnist on a whim.

A year and a half later, I’m still here, still unpaid and still happy with my choice. I’d like to give you insight into what you’ll experience as a columnist.

Your boss will be Andrew Mason, the opinions editor. He’s a cross between Jedi-master Yoda and the Godfather. Andrew is wise beyond his years, and every week he’ll give you the freedom to write 650 words about nearly anything, in any style.

Because you put yourself out there every week, there will be critics putting you down. This is done by commenting online and, when really angry, sending in letters to the editor. I’ve been told to “stop writing irrelevant and idiotic articles,” that my opening sentences are “truly painful” and that I wrote with “willful ignorance and premeditated malice to advance a political agenda.”

Friendly readers have accused me of fear-mongering and have called me a lefty hack with more ego than intelligence, incredibly liberal and flagrantly homosexual for an Indian guy. If you’re really lucky, your article may be showcased in a lecture so that a professor can make fun of you.

That being said, the harshest critics may be your friends. Your pals will voice their own opinions on your writing usually a la, “I read your article today. Uhhh, there were some funny parts. The end didn’t really work for me …” As awkward as that may sound, it never seems to get old.

On the other hand, there will be those who will gush and sing your praises. “You are amazing, I’m all about (insert column topic here). You’re going to make millions someday writing, and I will buy your book.” These people tend to forget that you’re still just a college student.

While there is no fortune, there’s a fair share of fame. I’ve been recognized a few times. Once I sat next to a man reading “Moby Dick” on a bus ride to Chicago. He told me he liked my poetry and that I looked like the picture used in the paper. Somehow as I remember details of that day, I feel as though this encounter was much more exciting for me.

Another time a homeless man I gave change to asked if I was that guy from the newspaper. He said he’d track me to write his biography, which was slightly disturbing. He hasn’t showed up yet. And then there’s the seemingly everlasting number of people who will see my picture in the paper, stare for a few moments and realize that I’m sitting next to them in class, smile and then do the crossword puzzle.

But more than any awards you may win or the national readership you may have, being an opinions columnist is fun. It’s an opportunity to put yourself out there and express your, well, opinions.

This is why I want you to take my job. An inside source to The Daily Illini, who is coincidentally my boss, wants to stress that it really really really doesn’t matter what sex or color you are or what political views you have. And if you don’t think of yourself as a writer, don’t let that stop you. What matters is your willingness to share your opinion. What you make of the rest is up to you.

Sujay is a junior in biochemistry. Applications are now available in the opinions section of DailyIllini.com or by request at [email protected] and are due Monday, May 12. Mention his name for an unfair advantage in the selection process. No, not really.