“Go Ahead, Shut Your Yap”- directed by Clint Eastwood

A fiery five-time Oscar winner battles a rogue African-American director who criticizes him for not including black soldiers in his World War II films. Chiseled 78-year old star of “Dirty Harry,” Clint Eastwood becomes irate when director Spike Lee uses the Cannes Film Festival to bash his films “Flags of Our Fathers” and “Letters from Iwo Jima.”

Eastwood snaps at Lee that while there was a small detachment of black troops in Iwo Jima as part of a munitions company, they did not raise the flag, and if he used an African American actor in the flag-raising picture people would say he had lost his mind.

Caught in the line of fire by Lee’s comments, the stoic hero Eastwood questions whether Lee has ever studied history and advises that a guy like him should shut his face.

In a sudden twist, Eastwood takes the law into his own hands and asks Lee one question: if he feels lucky enough to let his next film “Miracle at St. Anna,” about a black U.S. unit in WWII, duke it out in the box-office boxing ring against any of Eastwood films. If Lee wins, Eastwood promises to make Nelson Mandela a white guy in his next film “The Human Factor.”

Five rounds into the fight, Eastwood knocks so much historical sense into Lee that he answers that not only does he not feel lucky, but that he is a punk. Eastwood is forced to put Lee out of his misery and euthanize his hurt career.

“This Isn’t a Plantation, Old Man”–A Spike Lee Joint

Star black director does the right thing by rallying millions to support his fight against an old cranky cowboy. Influential director of “Malcolm X” Spike Lee asks Clint Eastwood why in more than four hours of his World War II films there was not one Negro actor on screen.

Lee concludes that in Eastwood’s warped mind, the Negro version did not exist. A student of history, Lee knows how Hollywood likes to omit the one million African Americans that were crucial to WWII. He reminds Eastwood that not everyone there was John Wayne.

After Eastwood takes a low blow and angrily tells Lee to shut his mouth, Lee is forced to remind the old man that he is not Lee’s father and that they’re not on a plantation.

Lee wades through the racial prejudice and assembles a group of African-American men, both living and dead, who fought at Iwo Jima and marches to Eastwood’s manor.

He then refuses Eastwood’s “Dirty Harry” flashback of getting in the boxing ring, and demands that Eastwood tell the veterans that they never existed.

Eastwood is so bamboozled by Lee’s will and historical knowledge, he admits that Lee got game. Lee then decides to take the Obama high road and end the feud. He runs for presidency preaching a ticket of peace and love and ends up winning in a landslide.

Sujay is a senior in biochemistry and thanks you for reading.