The manliest thing a guy can have is confidence, and I summoned all mine in a very manly way recently when I bought a vanilla and lime-scented candle.

This was the first aromatic candle purchase of my life. I started with no idea which one I wanted to buy, but I knew why I wanted it: I had to convince a girl that I am the sort of sensitive, caring guy who always has scented candles on hand.

There’s something fascinating about candles. I think this is because, when used properly, they involve fire. Fire has fascinated mankind for literally dozens of years. It has mythical properties that nothing else can reproduce. For example, in 1871 it was briefly able to stop political corruption in Chicago by burning down the entire city. Also, were it not for fire, “Chariots of Fire” would have had to be called “Really Fast Chariots.” So it was really important that I not mess up this purchase.

The Yankee Candle store at Market Place Mall had too much variety for me to make a decision, so Lisa, the manager, led me on a tour. I never thought candles could be interesting – and after sixty minutes of walking through the entire store and discussing them, I realized I had wasted an hour of my life.

Lisa began by having me sniff the candles to see how well the scents matched the labels. It was uncanny: The “Vanilla Cupcake” candle really smelled like a vanilla cupcake; “Sweet Strawberry” really smelled like fresh strawberries; and “Cottage Breeze” really smelled like deodorant.

Actually, this was a common theme in the store. A lot of the candles, mostly the ones with names like “Windy Air” and “Nocturnal Night,” smelled like Right Guard gel. No matter how enthusiastically the sales staff endorsed these, I was not ready to set a romantic mood with the fragrance of armpits.

A lot of the candles Lisa showed me did smell pretty good, especially “Lilac Blossoms,” but I was concerned my manhood might suffer if I purchased anything floral-scented. Just for admitting I liked the lilac candle, I’m probably going to have to learn how to fix a carburetor.

I had to figure out which of their candles was manliest. “What kind of candle would they light in the locker rooms at the Super Bowl?” I asked.

“Beach Walk,” Lisa said after some thought. I took a sniff. Deodorant. Manly. But still not what I was looking for. Besides, the Giants probably would have wanted a candle that smelled like Bill Belichick’s tears. Lisa didn’t have anything like that in stock.

I ultimately went with “Vanilla Lime” because it was simple, and also because it smelled like a Creamsicle. That accomplished, I was on to my next chore: buying deodorant. I wanted one that smelled like a candle.

Scott is a third-year law student. He’s going to need some help fixing his carburetor.