Spikey the Drillasaurus

By Othman O'Malley

Filling my car cost me $56 the other day. Mind you this is not some massive truck that can crush cars and snacks on Priuses (or is it Prii?). Not at all. This is a relatively modest late model Honda CR-V with pretty good mileage. At these prices I’d invade Liechtenstein if it meant a supply of cheap oil. Am I right people?…Is this thing on?

It is interesting how expensive gas seems to have made us a nation of impromptu oil economists. Everywhere I look, there are people with suggestions on how to solve the crisis. People say that we should drill wherever there is oil or that a windfall tax on oil companies is in order.

Gas prices have reached such a level that even Bill O’Reilly has an opinion he is willing to share. “So far, the American taxpayer has forked over more than $500 billion – $500 billion – to give the Iraqi people a chance at freedom. That country’s now pumping 2.5 million barrels of oil a day. So why isn’t Iraq giving the USA an oil price break? I mean, come on. We have greatly sacrificed for that country.” I call this the Bill O’Reilly “I mean, come on” Energy Initiative. Whenever the price of a commodity rises above an acceptable threshold, we should remind the world that they owe us a solid, either for inventing liberty, or liberating them in the past or as payment for possible future liberation, and give us a freedom discount. Or we’ll cut their mikes. I mean come on!

Oil economics is a pretty complex field. I’m no expert so let me introduce my friend Spikey the Drillasaurus. Not only can Spikey explain the in’s and out’s of the oil trade but Spikey’s octane rich family is sloshing around in my tank powering my ghetto blaster. Thanks Spikey!

Spikey says that slogans calling for energy independence are catchy but stupid. As long as we rely on fossil fuels as a primary source of energy, we will have to rely on imports.

Spikey also says that a windfall tax on oil companies is a cheap gimmick by politicians to divert attention from the fact that their fiscal policy has caused the dollar to weaken leading us to the dino-sized screwing that we are all experiencing!

Spikey says that there is no single solution to our energy problems. We will need to invest in clean technology, nuclear and minimally invasive drilling techniques to sustain us as we gradually shift to a fossil free economy. Remember kids, resorting to silly slogans to solve policy issues is like buying a baby pet T-Rex. They are cute at first but before you know it, you have a ten ton reptile on your hands and your head is dino-sore trying to figure out what do with it!

Thanks for that Spikey. Well there you have it. Our energy policy should use a basket of technology solutions and have a strong focus on R&D.; Isn’t that obvious enough? I mean come on!

Othman was last seen stuffing Spikey into his gas tank.