(Backstage before the Vice Presidential debate, Sarah Palin with husband “fek9wnr.”)

Fek9wnr: Don’t worry babe, when I won the Iron Dog for the fourth time, I had nerves too. You just have to grit your teeth, throttle up, and ride your snowmobile to the finish line.

Palin (filled with sorrow): Thanks hun.

Fek9wnr: Be proud, hold that passport up, and let ’em know you mean business.

(Sarah looks off into distance, dramatic music plays)

(Flashback to scene of Palin meeting with Pakistani President Asif Ali Zardari)

Zardari: Oh hot damn! You are beyond gorgeousness. I can see why America has fallen in love with you.

Palin: You are so nice, why thank you sir.

Zardari: They want us to keep shaking hands for the camera! If they want we can hug as well, American beauty.

Narrator (all narrations occur in Palin’s head): I smiled at the nice Indian man, unaware that he had just stolen this hockey mom’s little heart. (Bollywood dance)

(Earlier, Axis of Evil meeting: Vladimir Putin, Yukon’s Beaver Creek official, and former Miss Alaska Maryline Blackburn)

Putin: Sarah Palin is the beacon of the free world. She is the pit bull that watches over her next door neighbors..us.

Beaver: Damn those trade missions we have with her! With her at Alaska’s helm we’ll never be able to invade American airspace. She must be eliminated!

Miss Alaska: As a strong black woman who beat Palin 24 years ago, I know that if she wins the White House she’ll stay far away from Alaska.

Putin: Diabolical. If Palin stays out of Alaska, we’ll be free to do whatever we want here.

Beaver: We’ll call on heartthrob Pakistani ally President Zardari to woo Palin. The only way she’ll beat Obama and win America is with a love story.

Putin: Any of you try to have a dance number with me, and I’ll kill you.

(Later, Hotel room, Palin with Pakistani President Zardari)

Narrator: I loved this Indian man, but I also loved fek9wnr. But what does any of that mean? Do I love America enough to fight for the presidency and spread democracy? Or is it just about time this little ol’ Moose hunter who worked two jobs most of her life finally did something for herself?

Palin: I just can’t. John and Todd need me. America needs me.

Zardari: You are amazing Sarah. So devoted and loyal. My heart is broken, but my will to serve the Axis of Evil is broken as well. I love you.

Narrator: The Indian man’s accent muffled most of what he was saying. But I knew he’d understand why I had to break it off with him. The debate was in a few hours and I needed to go prep so I could give Joe Biden a taste of Palin cookin’.

(Present time Vice Presidential debate. Joe Biden announced and takes stage. Sarah Palin announced.but she’s gone!)

(Aboard a one engine Cessna heading back to Alaska, piloted by John McCain, Palin and Zardari in the back seat)

McCain: Whoooo! Still got it. You can call me Maverick.

Palin: You’re the best John. Asif and I are just two crazy geese in love. I’m sorry the VP thing didn’t work out.

McCain (in very grandfather tone): No need for explanation Sarah. This ticker’s been going for 72 years, I’ve had my fair share of adventures. What Obama and the rest of the world don’t understand is that sometimes, you just know when something is right. You have to follow what you believe in, even when it’s not the most popular choice. Besides, some Republicans want you out. And Jesus Sarah, did you see that Couric interview?

Palin: Oh Maverick!

Narrator: And that’s how this hockey mom fell in love this election.

(Meanwhile, the Axis of Evil says a collective “Nooooo” because of their failure. A young man walks in the room)

Man: My name is Levi Johnston.

To be continued..?

Sujay is a senior in biochemistry and wants the rights to the film “How Sarah won back America while defeating the Axis of Evil: A Pakistani Love Story.