Top 7 reasons not to go to the Inauguration on January 20th

By Lynne McMillan

Almost every four years, Jan. 20 brings monumental transition for the nation, and this upcoming inauguration is obviously no exception. People have been counting down the hours to Inauguration 2009 since Nov. 2, 2004.

Assuming this campus is no different, since Obama captured two-thirds of the 18-29 vote, I find it my responsibility to convince you why going to the Presidential Inauguration in Washington, D.C. on Jan. 20 will be a colossal waste of time, energy and money.

1. The traffic: The Chicago Sun-Times predicted 5 million people will invade the district for the event.

The Secret Service is shutting down all of the bridges into the district as well as 3.5 square miles of downtown. You do the math … good luck trying to drive, taxi or park anywhere within a five-mile radius of the Mall.

Even though the subway system will be open 24/7, authorities expect more than 1 million travelers on Inauguration Day, far exceeding the previous single-day record of 850,000. The best word to describe riding the metro with 1 million Democrats: fragrant.

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2. The cost: A round-trip plane ticket from O’Hare will cost you about $300. A decent hotel room in the area (if you booked about 19 months ago) will cost at least $150 a night.

How about we just forget about those stimulus packages and cancel the inauguration altogether? There’s a recession going on, people!

The cost of the event to taxpayers is expected to be about $50 million.

Comparably, Bush’s 2004 bash cost about $40 million of privately raised money. Finally, the first real example of tangible change we see from the White House!

3. Blagojevich might show up there, as he was given two tickets for being the worst governor in history. Tyra Banks is also trying to finagle her way in. I’m not sure who would be worse running into.

4. The cold: William Henry Harrison, anyone? Our ninth president lived only 31 days after contracting pneumonia from the post-inauguration ride from the Capitol to the White House. And that was back when the inauguration was held in March.

The high in the district during January inaugurations is usually around 40 degrees. Couple that with the Potomac’s howling wind down the Mall, and you’d be better off watching the festivities with me at Kam’s.

5. Anderson Cooper is covering it. His view will be better than yours unless you’ve paid some serious cash to the Chicago machine.

6. Security risk. Sorry, but the first black president being sworn in on the white marble of the Capitol is nothing but a giant bull’s eye for the crazies. However, officials are more concerned about explosives being placed in crowded areas than getting anywhere near Obama. Therefore, I’d rather be holding the Bible than holding my “Yes We Can” sign.

7. Finally, and most importantly, Syllabus Week is the best week of the semester, hands down. If there were ever a time I would take a week off school for the sake of witnessing a moment in history, it would not be during the best week of every semester: syllabus week. SW has been a favorite of mine for the past seven semesters for a few reasons.

First, and most obviously, no sane teachers give any major exams, speeches or projects during the first week of class (FIN 300 masochists, disregard last statement). Therefore, SW offers the perfect opportunity to organize your closet and read ahead for all of your classes.

Right … that’s exactly why every campus bar is ridiculously crowded all week with children trying to make up for the fact they just spent four weeks at home away from fantasyland where you actually have to be 21 to get into bars. We can only hope the Clybourne will reopen by SW ’09 to satisfy the masses.

So when you’re contemplating begging your parents to make phone calls to their hotshot friends, or hitchhiking across country in the middle of winter, just remember all the sweet things you could do instead: watch Sean Hannity’s new solo show, read Ann Coulter’s new book or daydream about Blago sitting next to George Ryan in a jail cell.

Lynne McMillan is a senior in Business and is just dying to know if Michelle will be wearing J. Crew to the Ball.