I’m gonna get fat.

No, seriously, I know it. And I knew it right off the bat. On Move-In Day, my roomie and I headed over to the Ike for dinner. We walked in, swiped our i-cards, and then FOOD. Suddenly, I was overwhelmed by the sweet smell of every type of food I could ever want: pizza, pesto pasta, ribs, sushi, salad, waffles, baked potatoes, fries, yogurt, soft serve ice cream, cookies, pie …

“I love college.” That’s all I could say as I piled my plate with food. I remember thinking that the Ike must be what heaven will be like. I was in awe.

My love for the Ike consumed my heart … until I met Insomnia Cookies. Those delicious things are only a dollar, but they’re worth so much more. And the best part? INSOMNIA DELIVERS. That’s right: I can just sit on my butt in good ol’ Taft-Van Doren Hall and wait for someone to arrive with a box of cookies.

And then I discovered Cocomero. Oh, how I adore that place. See, here’s the thing about fro-yo — it’s yogurt. Which means it isn’t ice cream. Which means it’s healthy. Which means it’s completely acceptable for me to fill my cup with every single flavor and every single topping. Who cares if the total comes to $11? I just want my fro-yo.

It’s inevitable what my next obsession will be: Fat Sandwich Company. I’ve been careful, trying to avoid that place for fear of the Big Fat Ugly. From what I’ve heard, that sandwich contains a lethal 20,000 calories ­— or something. They say that if you can eat a Big Fat Ugly in under 15 minutes, the sandwich is free. Knowing me, I’d probably accept that challenge. After all, I do love hash browns, chicken nuggets, gyro meat, bacon, sausage, mozzarella sticks, onion rings and a dollop of mayo.

Yep. If I want to avoid the Freshman 500, then I’d better stay away from Fat Sandwich.

I swear it should be illegal for so many delicious food places to be on this campus. A foodie like me unlimited dining hall buffets the best food places = bad.

I can’t possibly be the only freshie with this problem. Maybe the girls in Busey-Evans have it worse than me — I’ve heard their late-night dessert buffet is to die for.

A few nights ago, I was sitting in my dorm room, trying to come up with a solution to my foodie struggles. The only thing I could come up with was a simple saying, something that my mom used to tell me: “Everything in moderation.”

That quote is tossed around all the time, but when applied to food, it makes perfect sense. We should be able to eat what we want. An Insomnia Cookie here, a slice of pizza there. However, the key is eating healthy food, too. I can have a big salad for dinner and a small cup of Cocomero for dessert, and that’s just fine.

This campus is full of amazing food options, and for a freshman like me, it’s hard to avoid the temptations. But if we learn to use moderation, then hopefully, the dreaded 15 pounds will stay away.

I wonder, however, if the “everything-in-moderation” rule can be applied to the Big Fat Ugly …

_Melanie is a freshman in Media._