UI Confessions Facebook page: Seven sins of student secrets

Everybody has a secret — even the supposedly studious, intelligent and focused students here at the University. But you would never know about the chaos under the collectedness if it weren’t for University of Illinois Confessions. This Facebook page brings to the forefront some information about people on campus that we all probably could have benefitted from never knowing at all. And nearly everyone’s confessions can be categorized into seven main themes:

1. The “Sweet revenge on my roommate” post.

OK, so we can all relate to having roommate problems that leave some of us feeling vengeful. The issues range from having daily passive-aggressive encounters to needing to buy several bottles of Febreze to make up for your roommates’ severe lack of general hygiene. Stealing from their food stash and “borrowing” their clothes for an extended period of time is one thing, but defacing their stuff with urine and using their toothbrushes for purposes other than cleaning teeth? Yikes.

2. The “Let me displace all of my frustration” post.

Some days are rougher than others. And it appears that some people like to use a public Facebook page as their personal diary. Whether it is because the people in front of you were walking too slowly that day, you had two exams or maybe you just ran out of Reese’s Puffs or something, it leads to some internal aggression that requires venting. If getting it off your chest via an expletive post on the University of Illinois Confessions page does the trick, then by all means do what you got to do.

3. The “Let me tell you a little too much about my bedroom life” post.

You got lucky. We get it. Congratulations on whatever mini ego boost you got out of the experience. However, I could be spared the dirty details. And I definitely could live without knowing all the public places on campus that have been tainted. What goes on with you and your boo behind closed (and sometimes open) doors is probably something that NO ONE ELSE wants to hear about. Yeah. Please don’t.

4. The “I did the most hilarious thing ever while drunk” post.

The inebriated mind often fools one into thinking that something is significantly funnier than it actually is. Apparently this mind-set still exists when that person decides to write about it on the Confessions page. I guess you just had to be there.

5. The “No one on campus meets my insanely high standards” post.

Here we see the young romantics expressing sorrows over the fact that they can’t seem to find a nice, attractive guy or girl who they can hold intellectually stimulating conversations with. Our young Romeo (or Juliet) is yearning to find compatibility. It’s as if the pool of over 43,000 University students is just not enough. Talk about playing hard to get!

6. The “My relationship with Greek life” post.

The trials and tribulations of brotherhood and sisterhood are often revealed through these types of posts. Their expectations of Greek life were not met or they discovered that being in a fraternity does not always equate to non-stop hookups. Spoiler alert: Greek life is not synonymous with the movie “Animal House.”

7. The “I have a hidden passion for food” post.

So you gave into Fat Sandwich, some hot wings or a whole sleeve of Oreos and ended up consuming a week’s worth of calories in a single sitting. It left you with a greasy mouth, a sense of guilt and the feeling that you were housing another person inside your gut. But despite the human garbage disposal you have become, you secretly loved it and housed no guilt at all. Own it. Work it.

After reading through several of these posts, I found myself way more aware than I’d like to be of things that go on at the University. I might even have lost a few brain cells in the process. At the same time, though, the University of Illinois Confessions page provided me with a few minor chuckles so it wasn’t all for naught.

Stay classy, Champaign-Urbana.

Nicki is a junior in Media. She can be reached at [email protected]