Giving up on the Bears

Giving+up+on+the+Bears

Sunday night, the Bears are heading to Green Bay to take on the Packers for Sunday Night Football.

The Bears will lose this game. The Bears will probably lose this game badly. You know the Bears will lose this game, yet you will still watch.

Albert Einstein was a pretty smart dude. I couldn’t tell you much about his findings, or what made him a genius, but that’s just cause I’m dumb. I do know that he once said, “insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

By this definition, if you watch the Bears game Sunday night you are insane. I don’t care if you disagree with me, but do you really want to disagree with Einstein?

I didn’t think so.

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I’m sure there are people still holding out hope for the Bears this season. All I can say to that is, um, don’t bother.

Jay Cutler is 1-9 against the Packers in his career. He’s thrown 13 touchdowns (hey, those are good!) and 19 interceptions (alrighty then). He actually plays worse against the Packers than he does against any other team in the NFL. That’s not my opinion either, that’s just fact.

So with all of the odds stacked against them, why are you still going to watch Sunday Night Football? I have no idea. Lucky for you, I’ve got some other things you can do while not watching the Bears game this weekend. 

How about you spend time with some loved ones? Just consider this potential conversation you could have with your girlfriend: “Hey babe, let’s go out to dinner tonight, and have a night on the town!” you say.

“Aren’t you going watch the Bears game with your friends?” she’ll say.

“Oh, the Bears? The Bears can’t even hold a candle to you, boo,” you respond.

“Wow, you’re the greatest boyfriend in the world!” she says.

As she says this, she jumps into your arms, and all of the sudden you’re Humphrey Bogart in Casablanca. Little does she know that if the Bears were actually good this season, there’s no way in hell you’re taking her on a date night during Sunday Night Football against Green Bay.

The Bears are not good this season, so you have the opportunity to look like the sweetest boyfriend in the world.

I’ve got one more thing you can do Sunday night instead of watching the Bears lose to Green Bay. The tough one here is you’ll need to get a few of your friends to also not watch the Bears game. If you’re having trouble with this part, just refer them to this column.

So let’s say you can convince some of your friends to skip the Bears game Sunday night, this is what you’ll need to do.

Step 1: Have everyone dress up as old time, Italian mobsters.

Step 2: Go to the grocery store and buy three or four bottles of nice Italian wine (but really any wine will do — remember kids, only if you’re 21!).

Step 3: While you’re at the grocery store, buy some spaghetti, meatballs, pasta sauce, fresh parmesan cheese and garlic bread.

Step 4: You know what, you’ve had a tough week, buy a bunch of steak, and mashed potatoes.

Step 5: Buy The Godfather, and The Godfather Part II on DVD, or find them on Netflix, or however you watch movies these days.

Step 6: Make all of the food with your friends

Step 7: Enjoy a darn fine Italian dinner with some filet mignon and garlic-mashed potatoes while watching Godfather Parts I and II with your friends while wearing some classy clothes.

Is this something I’ve done before?

No, it isn’t.

Does the thought of having a Godfather movie marathon while dressed up like gangsters and eating an amazing dinner sound better to me than watching the Bears get crushed by the Packers?

Hell yes it does.

Sam is a senior in Media. He can be reached at [email protected] or on Twitter @Sam_Sherman5.