Lazy millennials on track to ruin the world

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By Matt Silich

A plague is spreading across the nation — young Americans born between 1980 and 2004, known colloquially as millennials, are coming of age and beginning to infect the world as we know it.

Perhaps we should have seen this coming. Millennials have been spoiled since they were born; new technologies like the Internet and smartphones have put all the information in the world at their fingertips.

Sure, the Internet has gifted the new ruling generation with the ability to connect and share ideas with the entire world in a split-second, but at what cost? Millennials may be using this wealth of newly available information to make the most educated decision possible, but think about the lessons taught by instant gratification.

In the golden years of the ‘80s and ‘90s, one had to spend hours sifting through libraries and online databases to find answers to simple factual questions. Nowadays, students wondering if they can get away with microwaving aluminum foil can just run a quick Google search to avoid burning their apartment complex down. How will our leaders of tomorrow ever learn crucial lessons about recovering from failure and pushing through adversity if they’re always making quick, informed decisions through the use of the Internet?

But it’s not just in daily living that millennials have proven themselves to be far too sensible, resourceful and pragmatic for the tastes of older generations. More than anything else, millennials are threatening the business world by revolutionizing the way things have been done for decades, if not centuries.

In an economy that experienced a massive collapse in 2008 largely because of ill-advised subprime mortgage dealings and financial malpractice by Wall Street banking and insurance corporations run by baby boomers, it’s clear the biggest threats to the future of the global economy are these pesky millennials.

According to a census-informed report from the White House, millennials are prioritizing creative outlets and making positive contributions to society in their careers significantly more than the two generations before them.

This new generation of workers is soft and squishy — they have no idea what it takes to run the global economy. Instead of focusing on innovation and improving the future for their children, these millennials should be more focused on making a quick buck and manipulating the economic system to work for them.

Worse still, the social movements made by these whippersnappers are tearing at the very fabric that binds our society.

As long as our great country has existed, women have been marginalized in the work force and dismissively pushed out of the rat race. Everything was going just fine with this precedent intact, but the millennials are getting increasingly close to ruining the precious gender balance of the business world.

The same millennial report by the White House shows that women have been gradually catching up to men in average earnings and percentage of the workforce since the early ‘80s. This new generation of female millennials is the most successful and educated on record, and it threatens everything for which discriminating employers have worked so hard.

It’s not just women who are making advances in this new age of ever-increasing social acceptance. Control is even being taken away from the wiser, older generations on hot-button issues like gay marriage.

The Pew Research Center’s 2010 report on the ideological differences between recent generations found that 50 percent of millennials are in favor of legalizing gay marriage, while just 36 percent disapprove of such legislature.

And support for gay marriage among millennials is increasing every year — in 2013, the Washington Post and ABC News found that 81 percent of 18- to 29-year olds supported the legalization of gay marriage. At this rate, people are going to be marrying fire hydrants by 2030!

We can’t possibly allow people who love each other to be married, and it’s clear that millennials’ judgment is suspect if they find this acceptable.

Slowly but surely, this new, sorry generation of Americans is taking over. Some might say there’s still time for these kids to change, that only time will tell if these millennials are the cream of the crop. 

But if you ask me, I’d say pucker up: This cream is sour.

Matt is a sophomore in Media.

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