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Beware of the bro hitting on your mom

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Beware of the bro hitting on your mom

By Kate Cullen

This weekend, the University welcomed mothers from all over to celebrate Moms Weekend. 

During the day, festivities often include some flower shows, brunch and a craft show where mothers and students meander around casually glancing at the beautiful array of flowers and various knick-knacks mothers are inevitably drawn to. Of course there has to be a shopping element to the weekend because if there’s one thing mothers know how to do right, its spend money on things they don’t need.

And after working up an appetite browsing the flowers, students often take their mothers to one of Champaign’s finer establishments for lunch, such as Firehaus.

While the daytime activities are innocent enough, when the sun sets over Champaign, the scene of Moms Weekend changes completely, as moms who have not been out in 10 years begin to roam the streets with their children in hopes of a reliving their college days.

Similar to Dads Weekend, students often take the weekend with their moms as an opportunity to show them how they really spend their weekends: When students aren’t exclusively at the library during the weekend, the local bars on campus are a popular alternative. And by local bars, I mean KAM’S.

Little did you know that while you were singing along to “Don’t Stop Believing” with your mom on the KAM’S dance floor, a dangerous predator was on the loose waiting to pounce. Those of us who have experienced Moms Weekend before may know this predator all too well — the frat star whose main objective and purpose in life is to hit on moms. 

In case you don’t want the guy sitting on his balcony wearing a snap back and drinking a Natty Ice to be your new stepdad, listen up because your mother may have fallen victim to his mischievous ways.

And with that, I will describe to you how a frat star snuck his way into your perfectly innocent night and hit on your mother.

As you went to the bathroom and left your mother with the rest of your friends and their mothers, the frat star took that opportunity to creep up. He probably opened the conversation casually enough by asking your mother if she was enjoying the sticky floors of KAM’S, agreeing with her about how disgusting they are.

Your mother likely won’t think anything of this “nice young man” taking the initiative to say hello and offer to buy her a drink. Because she doesn’t want to bother with trying to track down the ever-elusive bartender, she agrees and takes it as a kind gesture and nothing more.

The frat star smiles inside as he silently congratulates himself on potentially picking up a mother. The conversation continues, but soon enough, things take a turn for the creepy. A Lionel Richie song comes on, and your mother admits its one of her favorites when the frat star sees this as his golden opportunity to makes his move.

As your mother stands at the bar doing a simple side-step dance move, the frat star grabs her hand and takes her to dance floor. Other creepy frat star onlookers high-five in the background at our main character’s success.

Meanwhile, you’re stuck in the never-ending bathroom line hoping that your friends are entertaining your mother. Unfortunately, you are blissfully unaware that she has fallen victim to one of the most prevalent predators on campus.

Your mother chooses to indulge the young man. After all, it is her favorite song, and she’s allowed to dance whenever she wants. Just as the song ends, the frat star stares dreamily into your mother’s eyes and leans forward slightly when …

Bam! You return from the bathroom in the nick of time to step between them and notify your mother that the ultimate creeper has been hitting on her the entire time.

Unfortunately, this scene is all too prevalent during Moms Weekend, and hopefully students were able to protect their mother’s from vicious, creepy attacks such as these.

Ideally, this will help you become more prepared for future Moms Weekends, and this time next year you won’t find yourself at your mother’s wedding watching her say “I do” to a dude in a frat tank.

Kate is a senior in LAS. She can be reached at [email protected]

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