The Daily Illini

Satire | Campus Scout | Scout travels across America: the South

Satire | Campus Scout | Scout travels across America: the South

By Campus Scout July 20, 2021

The sun beams behind Scout as the eastern road awaits. Within Scout’s 2004 Subaru Outback, “Slow Ride” briskly rings amidst escalating light. Scout’s journey for the real America endures, and...

Satire | Campus Scout | Scout travels across America: Wyoming

Satire | Campus Scout | Scout travels across America: Wyoming

By Campus Scout July 13, 2021

Scout seeks new friends and faces this summer. Likewise, following a tumultuous semester — which included Scout’s liberation from the campus tunnels after 17 years — Scout wishes to stretch his...

Satire | Campus Scout | Scout travels across America: Disneyland

Satire | Campus Scout | Scout travels across America: Disneyland

By Campus Scout June 22, 2021

Scout seeks new friends and faces this summer. Likewise, following a tumultuous semester — which included Scout’s liberation from the campus tunnels after 17 years — Scout wishes to stretch his...

Satire | Campus Scout | Scout travels across America: Hollywood

Satire | Campus Scout | Scout travels across America: Hollywood

By Campus Scout June 15, 2021

Scout seeks new friends and faces this summer. Likewise, following a tumultuous semester — which included Scout’s liberation from the campus tunnels after 17 years — Scout wishes to stretch his...

Satire | Campus Scout | Scout travels across America: L.A. Pride

Satire | Campus Scout | Scout travels across America: L.A. Pride

By Campus Scout June 8, 2021

Scout seeks new friends and faces this summer. Likewise, following a tumultuous semester — which included Scout’s liberation from the campus tunnels after 17 years — Scout wishes to stretch his...

Satire | Campus Scout | Scout travels across America: Las Vegas

Satire | Campus Scout | Scout travels across America: Las Vegas

By Campus Scout May 31, 2021

Scout seeks new friends and faces this summer. Likewise, following a tumultuous semester — which included Scout’s liberation from the campus tunnels after 17 years — Scout wishes to stretch his...

Satire | Campus Scout | Scout travels across America: 'Red Denver'

Satire | Campus Scout | Scout travels across America: ‘Red Denver’

By Campus Scout May 24, 2021

Scout seeks new friends and faces this summer. Likewise, following a tumultuous semester — which included Scout’s liberation from the campus tunnels after 17 years — Scout wishes to stretch his...

Satire | Campus Scout | Scout travels across America: Iowa City

Satire | Campus Scout | Scout travels across America: Iowa City

By Campus Scout May 17, 2021

After “violating” University guidelines, Scout seeks new friends and faces this summer. Likewise, following a tumultuous semester — which included Scout’s liberation from the campus tunnels...

Satire | Campus Scout | Scout's scoops unveil climactic, transformative year

Satire | Campus Scout | Scout’s scoops unveil climactic, transformative year

By Campus Scout May 10, 2021

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of deciding between straws and funnels, it was the age of ranking whether Pfizer or Moderna was better — no shade, Johnson & Johnson...

Satire | Campus Scout | Counseling Center declares victory over depression

Satire | Campus Scout | Counseling Center declares victory over depression

By Campus Scout May 3, 2021

In an effort surely to inspire the masses, the University’s Counseling Center announced it had completed its annual 2020-2021 academic year review Friday. Publishing their extensive review following...

Satire | Campus Scout | Midnight Memorial Stadium debacle avoids societal endgame

Satire | Campus Scout | Midnight Memorial Stadium debacle avoids societal endgame

By Campus Scout April 26, 2021

Memorial Stadium stood silent Saturday night as the crowd sat shocked succeeding a screening of Marvel’s “Avengers: Endgame.” In a scene experts described as “Ever Given-esque, but replace the...

Satire | Campus Scout | Return of the Scout

Satire | Campus Scout | Return of the Scout

By Campus Scout April 19, 2021

Beneath the interconnected tunnels of campus and through the shattered Armory windows, Scout rises. Ascending above the weathered — or possibly coffee-stained — sidewalks of C-U, but not eclipsing...

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