The independent student newspaper at the University of Illinois since 1871

The Daily Illini

The independent student newspaper at the University of Illinois since 1871

The Daily Illini

The independent student newspaper at the University of Illinois since 1871

The Daily Illini

Satire | Campus Scout | Mayor awards city key to engine revver

Satire | Campus Scout | Mayor awards city key to engine revver

By Campus Scout September 9, 2021

Green Street stood solemn this Tuesday night. As students softly slept following another breathtaking and exhaustive day in C-U; all was quiet on Campustown’s main street. The street lights and their...

Satire | Campus Scout | Fraternity reimagines pledge process

Satire | Campus Scout | Fraternity reimagines pledge process

By Campus Scout August 27, 2021

A silence rippled across Omicron Pi Sigma house late Friday night as the fraternity’s leaders gathered to discuss changes to the pledge process for the upcoming fall 2021 semester. Vice President Brad...

Satire | Campus Scout | Scout travels across America: New York City

Satire | Campus Scout | Scout travels across America: New York City

By Campus Scout August 19, 2021

Scout awakes from a reefer-driven nap to the bulging sound of a ship’s horn. Previously enjoying some much-needed relaxation in Atlanta, Scout presently is perplexed as to his current location. The...

Satire | Campus Scout | Scout travels across America: the South

Satire | Campus Scout | Scout travels across America: the South

By Campus Scout July 20, 2021

The sun beams behind Scout as the eastern road awaits. Within Scout’s 2004 Subaru Outback, “Slow Ride” briskly rings amidst escalating light. Scout’s journey for the real America endures, and...

Satire | Campus Scout | Scout travels across America: Wyoming

Satire | Campus Scout | Scout travels across America: Wyoming

By Campus Scout July 13, 2021

Scout seeks new friends and faces this summer. Likewise, following a tumultuous semester — which included Scout’s liberation from the campus tunnels after 17 years — Scout wishes to stretch his...

Satire | Campus Scout | Scout travels across America: Disneyland

Satire | Campus Scout | Scout travels across America: Disneyland

By Campus Scout June 22, 2021

Scout seeks new friends and faces this summer. Likewise, following a tumultuous semester — which included Scout’s liberation from the campus tunnels after 17 years — Scout wishes to stretch his...

Satire | Campus Scout | Scout travels across America: Hollywood

Satire | Campus Scout | Scout travels across America: Hollywood

By Campus Scout June 15, 2021

Scout seeks new friends and faces this summer. Likewise, following a tumultuous semester — which included Scout’s liberation from the campus tunnels after 17 years — Scout wishes to stretch his...

Satire | Campus Scout | Scout travels across America: L.A. Pride

Satire | Campus Scout | Scout travels across America: L.A. Pride

By Campus Scout June 8, 2021

Scout seeks new friends and faces this summer. Likewise, following a tumultuous semester — which included Scout’s liberation from the campus tunnels after 17 years — Scout wishes to stretch his...

Satire | Campus Scout | Scout travels across America: Las Vegas

Satire | Campus Scout | Scout travels across America: Las Vegas

By Campus Scout May 31, 2021

Scout seeks new friends and faces this summer. Likewise, following a tumultuous semester — which included Scout’s liberation from the campus tunnels after 17 years — Scout wishes to stretch his...

Satire | Campus Scout | Scout travels across America: Red Denver

Satire | Campus Scout | Scout travels across America: ‘Red Denver’

By Campus Scout May 24, 2021

Scout seeks new friends and faces this summer. Likewise, following a tumultuous semester — which included Scout’s liberation from the campus tunnels after 17 years — Scout wishes to stretch his...

Satire | Campus Scout | Scout travels across America: Iowa City

Satire | Campus Scout | Scout travels across America: Iowa City

By Campus Scout May 17, 2021

After “violating” University guidelines, Scout seeks new friends and faces this summer. Likewise, following a tumultuous semester — which included Scout’s liberation from the campus tunnels...

Satire | Campus Scout | Scouts scoops unveil climactic, transformative year

Satire | Campus Scout | Scout’s scoops unveil climactic, transformative year

By Campus Scout May 10, 2021

It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of deciding between straws and funnels, it was the age of ranking whether Pfizer or Moderna was better — no shade, Johnson & Johnson...

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