Once upon a time, I wrote a sports column for the Daily Illini. Then I went to study in Spain, only to return last semester to play the role of “objective, journalistically-responsible sports editor.”

Well, it’s been 406 days since my last chance to put my opinion in this space. I feel something like Tony Soprano after missing his weekly appointment with Dr. Melfi – I’ve got a lot to get off my chest. So just sit back, listen and nobody will get hurt.

I’ve never been a fan of pregame trash talking, and players who guarantee victories make me squirm. But what’s going on between the Patriots and Steelers this week might be even more disgusting.

Both teams are crying underdog, claiming the odds are stacked against them.

Apparently neither team wants to end up like Apollo Creed. Both teams want to be Rocky. Neither wants to end up like last year’s Lakers. Both want to take on the role of the Pistons. Neither wants to be football’s Yankees and let the underdog Red Sox steal the show.

The Pats – that other team from Boston – point out that the Steelers have won the most games this season and thus are the reigning top dogs and must be knocked off the podium.

“(The Steelers are) the best team in football, right?” said Pats linebacker Willie McGinest. “They’ve got the best record. They’re 15-1. They don’t have a lot of flaws in their system … And we’ve got to go to their house.”

But the Steelers are barking underdog too. They say the Pats are the defending champs, which means they must be helmet-and-shoulderpads above the Steelers on paper.

“(The Patriots have) won two of the last three Super Bowls,” said Steelers running back Jerome Bettis. “So it would be foolish of me to sit back and think they are not the favorite. If I was on the outside looking in, I’d say the same thing.”

At least Vegas has Bettis’ back. That is, if you can have someone’s back by making them an underdog, which has evidently become the most sought after position since doggie-style. The odds makers set the line at -3 in favor of the Patriots.

Having respect for an opponent is one thing. But these two teams are only a few days away from playing in the AFC championship game, in which they will try to knock the crap out of each other, and right now they sound like parents on the sidelines talking about their kids. They’re just too nice.

Where’s Ray Lewis when you need him?

It seems like Steelers coach Bill Cowher and Patriots coach Bill Belichick – the newly anointed god of NFL coaches – have forced their respective teams to sit through multiple showings of the movie “Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story.” Because they all seem to have convinced themselves that they are a bunch of Average Joes taking on the evil Globo Gym.

If this is their method of displacing all the pressure they are certainly feeling, we can’t stop them. But these guys are not fooling anybody with the “We’re the underdogs” routine.

And although Cinderella stories provide some of the most dramatic moments in sports, sometimes Cinderella (in this case, the Rams or Vikings) just doesn’t come through. And you are left with two evenly matched teams like the Patriots and Steelers to duke it out – yes, two evenly matched teams.

And there’s nothing wrong with that.

Josh Purse is a senior in communications. He would like to thank you for making it to the bottom of this rant.

He can be reached at [email protected].