Live from St. Louis, it’s Saturday night! With stars Dee Brown, Luther Head, Deron Williams and … Bill Murray?

Yep, by now you know the former Saturday Night Live star is Illinois’ newest cheerleader and CBS’ newest camera magnet. I thought it’d be appropriate to ask my favorite Murray movie characters what they thought about the Illini’s matchup with Louisville. Here’s what my starting five had to offer:

Bob Wiley (G) – What about Bob?

Baby steps. Baby steps to St. Louis. Baby steps to the hotel. Baby steps through Friday’s practice. Baby steps to the game. If the Illini follow that genius Dr. Leo Marvin’s advice, Louisville won’t stand a chance. If they look too far ahead to a possible fantasy game with North Carolina or to an all Big Ten championship dual with Michigan State, the Cardinals will have them filling up those little white bags faster than I used to on long bus rides. Baby steps.

Carl Spackler (G) –

Caddyshack

I’ve dealt mostly with four-legged rodents, but I suppose, I could, yeah, find a way to defeat these Cardinals. To kill, you must know your enemy, and in this case the enemy is a red bird. And a red bird will never quit – ever. They’re like the Viet Cong – Cardinal Cong. So you have to fall back on superior firepower and superior intelligence. Bruce Weber, you are the leader of this outfit. Send everything you got at those bluegrass blockheads – (gopher) traps, (three-) bombs and, if you must, Jack Ingram.

Dr. Peter Venkman (F) – Ghostbusters I & II

I ain’t afraid of no Cardinals. And the Illini shouldn’t be either. I mean, those featherheads are just a lowly No.-4 seed. It’s not like Illinois has to defeat a giant marshmallow man (imagine the match-up problems he’d create) or an evil Carpathian named Vigo. As we saw in the Arizona game, though, sometimes shit happens, someone has to deal with it, and who you gonna call? Deron Williams. He saved Champaign like me and the Ghostbusters saved New York – and he didn’t even use a Proton Pack.

Ernie McCracken (F) – Kingpin

The Illini have to step up big, or they will get Munsoned in St. Louis. Let’s face it – they have one foot in the frying pan and one in the pressure cooker. Believe me, as a bowler, I know that right about now, their bladders feel like overstuffed vacuum cleaner bags and their butts are kinda like about-to-explode bratwursts. If the Illini find themselves struggling to contain Francisco Garcia and Friends, they’re just going to have to depend on my strategy – lie, cheat and steal. Especially steal, though.

Phil Connors (C) – Groundhog Day

You want a prediction about the Illinois game? You’re asking the wrong Phil. I’ll give you a Final Four prediction. It’s gonna be cold, it’s gonna be grey, and it’s gonna last for the rest of your life. Big deal if Illinois beats Louisville. The Illini will just wake up and have to do it all over again from here to eternity. I heard one of those sportscasters say the NCAA tournament is so great because there is no tomorrow. Believe me, buddy, it’s not all it’s cracked up to be.

Notice Bill Murray (playing himself) in Space Jam did not find his way into my lineup. His key role in the Looney Toons comeback victory over the Monstars, however, makes him the obvious choice for sixth man.