Ladies and gentlemen of the University of Illinois I would like you all to take a moment and rejoice in the start of the 2005-06 NFL season. When 7 p.m. rolls around, it won’t matter that you failed your test today or that your first paper of the semester is due tomorrow and you haven’t started yet. It won’t matter that you haven’t even cracked open a book. Let’s be honest, most of you probably haven’t even bought your books. What will matter is that the Patriots are playing the Raiders in a clash of two totally different mascots and team philosophies. I mean, it’s freakin’ Tom Brady and Randy Moss!

Now I would like you all to take a moment and recognize the genius of Paul Tagliabue and the NFL for programming our brains to forget school and watch the game. They have made football America’s sport. Forget baseball. My dad, someone who abhors professional sports and couldn’t care or tell you when the World Series or NBA finals are, can tell you that NFL games are played on Sunday and that the Super Bowl is in January.

The NFL knows it has the power to do whatever it wants. Games are broadcast on CBS, ABC, FOX and ESPN, and you know NBC would love to have a piece of the pie. A few years ago the NBA moved all of its programming to ESPN and TNT cable networks, from NBC. So what if you can’t watch any regular season games unless you have cable, the Finals are on ABC and that’s all anyone watches anyway. Can you imagine the uproar if the NFL did that?

Teams across the country are selling out preseason games at $80 a seat so you can watch a game of sloppy football in which the starters, the guys who you pay to see, play for half the game if you’re lucky. The NBA finds it hard to sell out stadiums during the regular season. And forget about baseball. There aren’t too many markets in the MLB where sellouts ever occur.

In the NFL, teams don’t even have to win to be profitable. The Washington Redskins have made one trip to the playoffs since Dan Snyder bought the team in 1999, yet the ‘Skins have doubled its revenue since the 1999-2000 season. A few years ago, ‘The Danny’ actually charged fans admission to watch preseason practices, and the fences were lined each day.

Do you know how much it costs to buy a custom NFL jersey? Bloody $263.99! That’s $74 more than a custom Boston Red Sox jersey and $104 more than a Dallas Mavericks’ jersey.

The NFL has also conveniently moved the start of its season up to a Thursday. Why? Because one game showcased on Thursday night can make them an extra bit of money on advertising. NFL fans will watch the game whether they are fans of the teams playing or not. I mean it’s freakin’ Tom Brady and Randy Moss!

Unfortunately, this year the Thursday start will keep me from watching the first game of the season. I will be spending my evening entertaining my visiting grandparents (it is amazing how much pull you get when you’re old). The only other person I know who won’t be watching the game tonight is my Australian friend Kat who believes that American football is boring and there is too much dead time. “Watch Aussie Rules,” she told me. “Those are real men with tight asses.”

So tonight I want you all to embrace the power of the NFL genius and enjoy the game. Until next week, adieu.

Josh George is a senior in communications. He can be reached at [email protected].