Tiger needs to return to golf- and soon

Let’s just get one thing clear: The only thing the Skynet T-1000 Woods did right Friday was not allow reporters to ask questions after it was done speaking, which saved it from the remote possibility that a journalist would ask it a paradox, confusing its CPU and subsequently frying its motherboard.

OK, so maybe Tiger Woods isn’t really a robot, but it sure looked that way watching his press conference a few days ago. Not only did he carry himself like the Tin Man, but if it weren’t for Tiger’s face on the TV screen, I’d have thought Stephen Hawking was giving the speech.

Yes, it was that bad, and there’s one big reason why: Tiger’s a golfer, not an actor, and to Tiger, that speech was closer to a movie script than an outpouring of emotion.

There wasn’t anything remotely human about the superstar’s delivery Friday, and in my opinion, the reason is clear: It’s because he isn’t sorry.

You can say what you want about Tiger’s affairs, but at the end of the day, he’s not a priest or a public official. He’s a golfer, and what he does away from the golf course shouldn’t affect his career. Only it does, because we live in a society that wants to make role models out of athletes despite the fact that a lot of these guys aren’t the most wholesome people, nor should we expect them to be.

Tiger never asked to be a role model, but like it or not, in order to save “Tiger Woods: Corporate Brand,” he has to make it look like he’s turning “Tiger Woods: Husband, Father, Person” around.

That’s why everything that Woods has done post-car crash has been a calculated attempt to repair a tarnished image. What he doesn’t realize is that if he cares more about his name than himself, it will show through.

It’s what we saw Friday, when Tiger apologized to his sponsors and business partners before he apologized for being a poor role model for children. It’s why he decided not to field questions after his speech was over. And really, it’s the reason that the speech was so poor in the first place.

So Tiger’s an adulterer. Maybe he isn’t the greatest role model, and by the looks of it, he isn’t the most remorseful person on the planet, either. He can either accept these facts and go back to doing what he does best, or he can try and string out this PR stunt a little further.

Tiger’s biggest mistake? Saying he’s just a normal guy who has to play by the same rules as everyone else.

I call that shenanigans.

Tiger Woods isn’t a normal guy. Normal guys don’t marry Swedish nannies. Normal guys don’t have Xbox games named after them. Normal guys don’t get to call press conferences to apologize for having an affair.

He gets to play by different rules, which is, fittingly enough, where the solution to his problem will come from.

Because you know what else normal guys can’t do? Play golf like Tiger Woods.

Tiger just needs to get back on the course — and soon. The reason we liked him in the first place is because of his prodigious talent, and the longer we go watching him fake contriteness instead of sinking putts, the worse it’ll get for Tiger.

If Tiger comes back for the Masters, everyone wins. The PGA is happy because ratings will be through the roof; Tiger is happy because the public can focus on something other than his personal life for once; and golf fans are happy because they get to see the best golfer ever actually play golf.

Just know one thing, Tiger: People will forget that you can’t drive your car 300 feet down your driveway once they remember that you can drive a golf ball 350 yards down a fairway.

Grant Brunoehler is a senior in LAS. He can be reached at [email protected].

Getting personal life together is most important

In case you missed it, Tiger Woods addressed the public about his countless affairs Friday after three months of silence. He addressed his wrongdoings and made his apologies, but we are still no closer to knowing when Tiger will return to golf.

Tiger did not rule back a return later this year, but I think doing so would be a huge mistake.

Tiger’s life is on the edge of ruin. The coming months will be make it or break it. He has so much to lose and so little to gain. Golf will always be there for him, but his wife Elin may not, and the fact that she hasn’t left him yet is a miracle.

Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors, but it appears he still has a chance to save his marriage and his family. Now is the time to focus on that, not a comeback to the PGA Tour.

Tiger faced the world and apologized for his infidelity and to the people he hurt. If he returns to golf too soon, before fixing his personal life, then that apology will mean nothing.

Tiger is obviously a big deal. ABC, NBC and CBS all broadcast his apology live, a right typically reserved for the president addressing the nation. Lots of people are interested and each with their own opinions of whether he was sincere.

The fact is that regardless of what he said Friday, his sincerity will only be able to be judged on his actions. Putting golf on the back burner in order to focus on saving his marriage is a huge step in showing he has changed, and his words weren’t just about good PR. Show that you have your priorities in order.

My favorite quote from the interview was this: “I thought I could get away with whatever I wanted to. I felt that I had worked hard my entire life and deserved to enjoy all the temptations around me. I felt I was entitled. Thanks to money and fame, I didn’t have to go far to find them.”

That’s all well and good. I have no problems with celebrities enjoying all the temptations around them; lots of celebrities use their status to get laid. And if Tiger wasn’t married, he could partake in all the temptations he wanted and it wouldn’t even get a whisper in the news.

But Tiger does have a wife. And two kids. Wake-up call: There are rules now, regardless of your status as a superstar, Tiger. Take care of your sex addiction, get your life in order, save your marriage and then make your comeback to golf.

In order to get people back on his side, he needs to prove he wants to fix his life and save his family.

I also worry that if Tiger comes back with all that drama still on his mind, his performances on the course will suffer. Some people may argue otherwise, but there is a huge psychological aspect to sports, and his problems at home will affect his game.

His personal legacy is already in ruins, and I don’t want to see his golf legacy take a blow as well. This all needs to be behind him when he returns.

I can’t wait to see Tiger get back on the course. Golf needs its superstar.

His personal life needs to come first, though. Golf can wait, saving his marriage cannot. There is no hurry. Golf will welcome Tiger back with open arms, no matter when he returns.

Kyle Diller is a junior in Media. He can be reached at [email protected].