GOP primary brings a barrel of laughs

Job creation, the recession and our presence in the Middle East are among the things many would have thought would drive the GOP presidential candidates’ debates this election season — not abortions and lunar missions. But, these candidates have surpassed all expectations for stupidity and have turned the primary elections into unprecedented comedic fodder. (I don’t blame Stephen Colbert for nearly breaking down on television when Herman Cain suspended his campaign.)

So, on the event of Rick Santorum’s latest contribution to the absurd sound bite pantheon, the following is our list of the most ridiculous sound bites we’ve seen come out of this election season:

*Rick Santorum:* “I don’t believe in an America where the separation of church and state is absolute.”

Santorum was referencing that in which John F. Kennedy assured Americans that a Catholic could be president and not just do what the pope says. Santorum went on to say the First Amendment ensures freedom of religion. Yeah, Rick, it does; that’s why we have separation of church and state.

*Michele Bachmann:* “I had a mother last night come up to me in Tampa, Fla., after the debate. She told me that her little daughter took that vaccine, that injection. And she suffered from mental retardation thereafter.”

Despite the overwhelming scientific evidence that indicates vaccines do not affect rates of autism or mental retardation, Bachmann wants us to take the word of a random woman in Florida.

*Herman Cain:* “A poet once said, ‘Life can be a challenge, life can seem impossible, but it’s never easy when there’s so much on the line.’”

Actually, why is this even on here? Every presidential candidate should have a minimum of three Pokemon references per election.

*Rick Perry:* “There’s something wrong in this country when gays can serve openly in the military but our kids can’t openly celebrate Christmas or pray in school.”

Has Rick Perry been outside after Halloween in November? Christmas is a two-month holiday in this country. It should also go without saying that Christmas and Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell are entirely unrelated.

*Newt Gingrich:* “By the end of my second term, we will have the first permanent base on the moon, and it will be American.”

The real question is, will it be harder to build a moon base or for Gingrich to win a second term?

*Mitt Romney:* “I like being able to fire people.”

OK, Romney, there are two issues here: the economy and the fact that you come off as a heartless robot. Saying stuff like this is not going to help you.