I have no interest in the spectacle that has become the transformation of a childhood star to an adult porn star — I mean pop star. But if I did, I would write an open letter about it. Apparently they’re all the rage. It would go a little something like this;

Dear Ciley Myrus,

It would have been easy enough for you to simply release your album, but no, you had to create an extravaganza turned social movement to act as a precursor to your already over-hyped music. Your full-on takeover of the entertainment industry is not only excessive, but also a little selfish. Would it be so difficult to leave room for the other underrated celebrities to get a moment in the spotlight? I can only imagine how Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez have been duking it out behind the scenes for a small segment on E! News. T-Swift has probably made an online dating profile just to get a little attention away from your nude pictures that never quite seem to stop.

But I’m getting ahead of myself, let’s go back to where it at all began. You know what I’m talking about — the MTV Video Music Awards. It’s easy to say your performance was all planned in advance and that those kind of moves can’t be taught, but we all know you came out of that teddy bear like a deer in headlights and did your best to play it off. It’s a good thing your costume and, sure, let’s call it “dancing,” was so distracting or else the audience would have had to focus on the actual song you were singing. Poor Robin Thicke. That’s the last thing I’ll say on the subject.

First there was the YMCA, then the Cupid Shuffle and now your outbursts on various forms of social media have prompted a new dance craze: “twerking.” And may I say there was never another dance move that required less talent or rhythm. This move consists solely of moving around erratically while having a total disregard for the music. I can see why you’d want to adopt this move as your own considering your plethora of talents. Well played, Ciley Myrus, well played.

From all the backlash you’ve been receiving from your dance moves and your MTV performance, it makes sense to try to make the transition from the music industry into construction, but unfortunately sex does not sell in that field of work. Now, I hate to be critical, but I think your hair gel might have seeped into your brain and clogged it up because everyone knows you can’t work in construction naked. You should have been wearing a hard hat. Wrecking balls are dangerous. Rookie move, Ciley. I have to say I expected more from you. But not really.

For some strange reason, you seem to think people want to see pictures of you in compromising positions, but I’m sorry to be the one to tell you — you are sorely mistaken. We all know it’s no accident that the second the media buzz around you diminishes slightly, sneaky pictures of you in very uncomfortable looking leotards surface on the Internet. Ciley, while you think you are producing art, you are merely allowing yourself to be exploited because there is nothing calculated about being a stripper.

With all of the hype surrounding you, I do hope you find time to actually sing your little songs, or whatever it is you do. Because clearly everyone is so focused on your media shenanigans that they’ve completely forgotten the purpose of it all.

Sincerely,

Someone who could not care less

Kate is a senior in LAS. She can be reached at [email protected].