Some of my favorite games have been those I have stumbled across without any hype attached. I may have played the game at a friend’s house, or I may have misread the game’s title and unintentionally picked up the wrong one. Whatever the case, I would have never played these second-string games if it were not for fate intervening. Inspired by these successful encounters of my past, I decided to inject some fate into my search for a hidden gem on the video game shelves.

I concluded the best way to help fate is to pick among the seemingly worst games available. I set some simple guidelines for selecting a new game that, with the help of fate, would surely prove to be a winner. The first guideline, is that I can never have heard of the game before. Second, the cover of the game must look like a junior high student drew it. Third, I must feel embarrassed when I set the game on the checkout counter. At the time, the three guidelines appeared to be a recipe for success. With that in my mind, I quickly found WDL: Thunder Tanks.

WDL is an acronym for World Destruction League. That title made my skin crawl all the way home. I was unsure whether I was excited or I already regretted my decision. As it turns out, I regret my decision.

So, where does this game go astray? First, the tanks are not racing across the open plains of Europe. Instead, the tanks are confined to an arena in Detroit, or any number of other cities. Yet, it does not matter which arena, because all thirty or so are nearly identical. The tanks themselves have another problem. Each tank has a unique look, drives the same and has a weapon system. Unfortunately, the large selection of tanks is useless. The majority will die instantly, and the few remaining tanks are practically invincible. You have the choice of repeatedly watching your tank explode or beating the game in about an hour.

I chose the latter so the game would end sooner. To finish the game, you must win in several styles of battles. Death match, capture the flag, domination and frenzy are boring competitions that can end in less than one minute. Each style is flawed. Capture the flag ends after the first time the flag is captured. There is no point to fire the tank’s cannon when it is easier to drive past everyone straight to the flag, since the opponents are much slower. What is the point of a tank that does not blow stuff up? Nevertheless, capture the flag is the best style because it is the quickest one to beat and causes the player the least amount of anguish.

Before I pass some final judgment on this game, I should mention a few other points. The graphics have a low frame rate with awful rendering. The junior high student that illustrated the game’s cover apparently was in charge of graphics for the entire game. The game is easy enough to close your eyes when you play, so the way Thunder Tanks looks should not be a big problem, correct? Wrong. When you close your eyes, your sense of hearing is heightened and you are forced to listen to a terrible soundtrack of announcers with about three catch phrases. You want anything you can get to distract from the soundtrack.

The game is so awful to play, I found myself hoping that each cut scene was the end of the game. I have learned my lesson from WDL: Thunder Tanks. I will never try to find a hidden gem of a game, and from now on I should not feel embarrassed to place a game on the checkout counter. On the brighter side, there are very few copies of this game left. So if you ever do encounter Thunder Tanks, do the world a favor and please destroy it in a ritual of your choice.