I aspire to someday be a famous director. I’ll put on a musical only about vocabulary. That way, everyone can witness my play on words.

I love puns. I love them so much that I may have sacrificed some social skills in pursuit of my not-so-secret affair with wordplay. In this day and age, this type of witty repartee is almost seen as a guilty pleasure. When I incorporate a particularly atrocious pun into conversation, people tend to treat me like old Christmas lights and leave me hanging.

Sometimes I try to change my ways in normal dialogue. I once attempted to talk about Swiss cheese, but the conversation was full of holes.

It’s even worse in the winter — that’s when it snowballs out of control.

So why exactly am I so inclined to insert a witty banter after every other remark, even if I receive a slew of eye rolls? Because, like bananas, puns are so darn appealing.

“(This type of wordplay) is an unconscious use of the same word or similar sounds that just happens naturally in talk,” explained Dr. Numa Markee, linguistics professor at the University.

Learning to be conscious of these hidden puns, however, is the key to unlocking their secret veiled powers. They could have unbridled capabilities, so it is important to groom your pun radar skills.

While you’re on the lookout for puns in conversation, don’t discount those in print. Authors are cunning individuals, especially those who have been dead for hundreds of years. This proves that I’m not the only pun-loving person; there were many before me who were all too willing to throw their words around.

“Puns, for example, in Shakespeare and other literature of that period in the 16th century … were very, very common,” Markee said. “Poetry is actually traceable back to conversation as well, because early poetry was all spoken.”

Puns and clever wordplay were embedded in Shakespeare’s writing, but the majority of these written puns were literally deliberate (or deliberately literary, if you choose). Those in conversation, on the other hand, tend to be like milk — they’re easily skimmed over, yet they could make you seem more cultured.

In linguistics, puns and the like are referred to as slips of the tongue. In an article by Victoria A. Fromkin in 1973, they are categorized as a way to further understand the configuration of speech. The linguistic paths fork into many directions: these involve spoonerisms, puns and other sharp forms of wordplay.

While some people refer to this kind of wordplay as “the lowest form of wit,” puns nonetheless break language and ethnic barriers all around the world. That doesn’t mean they always go appreciated; like windows, some think puns are just a pane in the alcove. You can see right through them.

Nonetheless, I personally think puns and motor oil go hand in hand — they’re both perfectly refined.

So what is a word-loving girl to do? Now that my mind is conscious of these witticisms, I simply cannot stop creating them.

Even on such a common topic as football, these puns lurk around the corners of my mind: Maybe the topic of those ever-present sports concussions will arise. At which point I’ll be tempted to suggest tackling the helmet issue head-on (and that, my friends, is a double pun).

I could just try blending into the crowds and avoiding conversation altogether; I’ll even wear stripes so I won’t be spotted. Waldo has been doing pretty well for himself.

In the meantime, I’ll just stick to conversing with animals. Someday I’ll work at SeaWorld as a dolphin tamer — that way my life will finally have porpoise.

_Reema is a freshman in DGS._