The streets are once again alive with the sounds of unassuming freshmen, crammed MTD buses and professors carrying their satchels of coursework to classes. As I set foot upon our campus’ historic soil, I couldn’t help but feel a surge of energy — a newfound sense of hope for this next semester.
How I’ve missed the debauchery that comes with weekends out with friends. My summer has been one of relaxation, solace even. Crammed inside a small apartment in central Illinois, I contemplated the events of the previous academic year. I’m going to be real with you, dear reader. What a chaotic time my sophomore year of college was!
With three random dates, two partners and one talking stage sprinkled between, I have arrived at the halfway mark — my junior year. I had some unfinished business at the end of last semester, and with some reflection, along with correspondence from my precious friends, I have some advice to share with you. Whether you’re in your last year of college, or you’ve just started, there are some key takeaways about Champaign-Urbana dating you must know.
1. You are the prize
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Desperation is not attractive. Too much of my experience in college has been spent yearning, listening to The Cranberries and waiting for my desired partner to notice me. Stop this now. It’s oversaid, but it’s also true: Confidence can be the most attractive thing.
Listen to “Linger” recreationally, don’t make it your entire existence. Having a mindset that knows your worth doesn’t mean you can’t chase. A popular narrative in dating is “I don’t chase, I attract.” This can be awesome and empowering but don’t feel the need to wait around forever. Introducing yourself and making the first move can often be as empowering as having people interested in you.
At the end of the day, you’re worthy of a fun and flirty adventure, and you may be able to be more lighthearted with your dating life. Don’t take things too personally or seriously when diving into the realm of dating.
2. Bar talk
When I saw The Red Lion after a summer away from campus, I fell to my knees. I often find myself floating head first toward the local watering holes each weekend, as if they were pie on a windowsill.
Since being on campus, I’ve made many journeys to a handful of esteemed establishments to partake in a night of whimsy with some of my closest colleagues. I have found that finding a partner at a campus haunt is a terrifying experience, and most people on the prowl are not in search of an emotionally intimate connection.
If you are a lover, one that values sweet-natured conversations and soft kisses on the forehead, don’t search for love at KAMS. It sounds harsh, but that person will probably not want to make you breakfast the next morning.
If you love to flirt and want a silly experience for the next day’s debrief with friends, stay awhile! Ah, yes, take off your coat, relax and scan the sweaty crowd for a suitor of your liking.
You may ask, “How do I even pick someone up? How do I get someone’s attention at a bar?” My experience as a woman may differ from yours, reader, but here’s what works for me.
Step one, make eye contact. You must establish a foundation of attraction. When your eyes meet theirs, give a little smile, a smirk even. This lets the recipient know you’re romantically interested in them. They may approach you after this if you keep your gaze fixed on their general area.
When you finally make contact or start talking with them, use the loud environment to your advantage. Oh no! The music is so loud, let me talk to you inches from your face! Uh oh! Now we are flirting. Mission successful.
If you hold your prospective lovers to a high standard, use this tip for an extra ounce of fun: When they ask for your name, just respond with your favorite drink. If they don’t buy you one, you should say bye to them.
3. Champaign-Urbana bisexuals
With an undergraduate student population of around 35,000, it should be easy to find new people to pursue. This logic is flawed. This thinking is wrong. Everyone knows everybody. Especially in the queer community on campus.
As a queer woman, there is an intricate web of connections, exes and situationships to be aware of. As you travel to more and more house shows, you realize that the same crowd frequents various venues. Before pursuing, or at least after if it’s too late, do your research. Stalk their Instagram, look at their mutuals and decide — is this a good idea?
I am being a little over dramatic when I refer to this topic and target the blossoming bisexual crowd in the 61820, but I am speaking from raw experience. Things can get messy without the proper attention. This tidbit of information is not meant to discourage you from pursuing anything but read up on the person’s lore. I guarantee something interesting will come from your perusing.
4. Try new things
I believe a large part of dating in college is figuring out what you want. If you came from high school with a long-term partner, good job. For the rest of the population, that wasn’t the case. Now is the time to explore your options, learn about new people and discover what you really want in an adult relationship.
Don’t be afraid of the unknown! Take time to window shop at the bars, make conversation at house shows and discover things about yourself.
Reader, I am also growing and learning. However, I’m hopeful for the next academic year. I can sense the excitement from my peers as they stand in two-hour lines for a horribly mixed well. Have faith in your dating abilities, as the mean streets of Champaign-Urbana are simply buzzing with sexual prowess.
Until next time,
