As finals have ended and students across campus travel home for winter break, the holiday season is in full swing. No matter what you celebrate, the end of the year and the family gatherings that occur can be a difficult time for many.
When you’re dealing with the loss of a loved one or going through a period of grief, the stereotypically happy and upbeat holiday season can represent an additional barrier.
The Daily Illini spoke with Carla Harvey, grief specialist at Parting Stone, a company specializing in making stones from cremated remains. She shared some of her expert suggestions for those who may be struggling with the loss of a loved one this year.
1. Break down the isolation
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The holidays can be a very isolating time, especially for those dealing with loss. With the holidays being a typically upbeat and happy time, people may be apprehensive to bring up loss, not wanting to cause further grief.
“Most people don’t know what to say, so they’d rather avoid the situation altogether,” Harvey said.
Doing this may have the inverse effect, making the person feel isolated as people around them ignore the elephant in the room.
Instead, talk about things, whether or not you’re the one struggling with the loss. Sharing positive memories or funny stories, mentioning the person by name or having a frank conversation about the loss can help break down the isolation caused by grief.
2. Honor old traditions, create new ones
Find a holiday tradition that connects you to your lost loved ones and make a point of honoring it.
A common tradition is holiday dishes. For example, if your loved one had a holiday dish they always made, make a point of learning and sharing the recipe to ensure it’s always present at your celebrations. Doing so can help to keep their memory alive.
“Memory sharing is also an … integral part of that first holiday,” Harvey said. “You can get a Christmas stocking out and have everyone write down their favorite memories of your loved one, and you can read them together after dessert.”
You can also form new traditions that help you remember them, like visiting a place that held significance to them or doing an activity that they enjoyed.
3. Find a way to memorialize them meaningfully
This will change from person to person and family to family, but find a way to memorialize your loved one that has meaning to you.
Creating a meaningful memorial allows you to incorporate them into your life going forward, helping you to remember them while continuing to live in light of their loss. For example, consider renaming that famous holiday dish they always made after them.
At the end of the day, we all grieve differently, but finding ways to cope with that grief will make all the difference. If you or someone you know is coping with a loss this holiday season, we hope these suggestions can make a little bit of that loss easier.
