An integral part of the college experience is socialization as we find the people who will define our four years in Champaign-Urbana, and this is often influenced by where we live.
As you may be aware, each residence hall at the University has a specific aura, a niche personality and a different vibe. Today, we will present to you each residence hall’s personality at a party. Perchance.
Florida Avenue and Pennsylvania Avenue Residence Halls
Man, there’s really not one type of person who lives in Urbana South.
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The late-registration-to-FAR/PAR pipeline is mighty in strength and volume, contributing to a characteristic “island of misfit toys” vibe that permeates the stinky 1960s infrastructure.
You could pluck one person from either building and they could be anything from a southern Illinois-born crop science major to a quirky, alternative DJ-type. Next-door neighbors often have nothing in common, harboring bitter hatred toward one another’s lifestyles.
If everyone who was shoved into this corner of campus were to attend one party, it would embody an incomprehensible and unpredictable vibe. Morgan Wallen is intermixed with Kanye West, Iron Maiden and Weezer on THIS residence hall’s pregame mix.
To be completely realistic, dollars to donuts, these residents are each attending completely different functions.
There is a deep camaraderie between those who have been thrust into the southeast corner of campus against their will, in spite of the pointed lack of social cohesion. Put simply, if you know, you know.
Allen Hall
Allen Hall has been continuously recognized as an alternative and sexually ambiguous safe haven for many students on campus.
Allen Hall would show up late to the party — having already gotten their refreshments for the night. Leaning against the wall in their Doc Martens and thrifted flannel, they would rather be listening to music they deemed more “underground.”
“Sober to Death” by Car Seat Headrest blasts through their wire headphones as they travel outside to smoke a cigarette and look mysterious. If you do get the opportunity to talk to them, you won’t regret it.
Allen Hall always has interesting stories to tell and their life is seemingly never boring.
Ikenberry North
Ike North pulled up to the party with a backward cap, polo T-shirt and khaki pants.
Ike North will never eat any of the snacks or food at the function because it’s “not optimal for gains.” This person frequents the gym and posts shirtless pictures of them flexing to their Instagram for no apparent reason.
This person will insist on taking control of the nearest auxiliary cord and forcing their fraternity boy music on everyone there. Be prepared, “No Hands” by Waka Flocka Flame is going to be played at least six times before the night is over.
As the hours dwindle into the early morning, Ike North will become increasingly rowdier. It’s a mixture of creatine and inexpensive beer that makes Ikenberry North get kicked out of the party for punching the DJ after the refusal to play “Doses & Mimosas” by Cherub.
Lincoln Avenue Residence Hall
LAR is a perfectly adequate friend who everyone seems to forget about. LAR did not receive an invitation to the party by accident, as the host simply forgot they existed!
LAR found their way to the party anyway and nobody really blinked an eye when they walked through the door with their platter of store-bought vegetables and ranch.
A bright-eyed LAR walks around the room trying to become familiar with all the groups and suggests the party played a board game of some sort.
Are they nervous? Do they lack confidence? Or are they overly confident with a lack of social awareness? It’s a mystery.
Bromley Hall
The scene: a frat basement tinged with the harmonious odors of ethanol and fear. The cast of characters: virtuous beer pong knights and demure SHEIN-clad maidens.
Doe-eyed pledges — both frat and srat — steep in the sexual tension. The connections built here will set the stage for four years of booze-fueled tomfoolery, halted only by the occasional midterm exam.
The dress code, which is enforced through judgmental glances and political deliberation, includes spray tans, backward hats, crop tops and basketball jerseys.
If you encounter a Bromley at a party, you’re almost certainly going to witness some major-league rallying, sloppy drunk behavior and potentially a masterclass in Rizzics. Whatever your opinion of current and former Bromley residents, it is undeniable that they are personally and largely responsible for the present financial survival of campus institutions such as Joe’s Brewery and Conrad’s Grill. For that public service, we salute them.
Illinois Street Residence Halls
ISR told everyone they were not going to the party. They had a six-hour lab the next day and a seemingly impossible project due in the next 12 hours.
To everyone’s surprise, they walked into the party equipped with their backpack and adorned with their high school mathlete T-shirt. They pop a prescribed Lexapro and tell everyone they haven’t slept in over 48 hours.
This guy will approach you in public and explain exactly why you will never possess the intelligence to completely understand the hit American adult cartoon program, Rick and Morty.
When no one finds their banter about the hit American adult cartoon program “Rick and Morty” amusing, they find a comfortable sofa to open their laptop and begin coding at the function.
This action seems logical to them and they will give half-hearted responses to everyone who tries to talk to them — they’re too invested in their work.
People will try to flirt with them, but ISR would never know what to say in a romantic context, much less even know they had a romantic encounter. Scared of women and frightened during confrontations of any kind, ISR will keep the discourse online.
ISR does not know any of the songs being played because it is not classic rock circa 1980. Still, there is a slight charm to ISR that keeps earning them an invitation to the function.
Ikenberry South
Ike South showed up to the party with their good friend Ike North, but they soon went their separate ways. Ike South is much more relaxed than Ike North. While they love the gym, they don’t let it become their personality.
Ike South gets OK grades and they know how to have a good time. They will start the pong tournaments, bring the hype and then disappear for weeks to never be seen again.
Overall, this is a fairly normal guy who enjoys the occasional four-day bender. They successfully keep the fraternities full, the bars bumping and the classes empty.
