There are countless ways to reach that record-scratch moment with a person you’re romantically involved with. 

Some experience it on a first date, others after years of marriage. Either way, realizing that you and your significant other are not politically aligned can feel like the rug being pulled from beneath one’s feet.

Emily Van Duyn, professor in LAS, is currently writing a book on partners with political differences. 

In order to accurately assess the experiences of politically differing partners, she spoke to individuals in cross-cutting relationships and garnered their stories for analysis. 

Van Duyn encountered a story told to her by one individual who found out several months into their courtship that they and their significant other had voted for opposing candidates in the 2024 presidential election. 

“At what point politics was brought up was always super surprising to me,” Van Duyn said. “Like some people wouldn’t bring it up until months into their relationship.”

As the United States sees increased political polarization in recent years, researchers like Van Duyn seek to examine cross-cutting relationships and the effect those differences have on individuals and their partnerships.

One particular detail Van Duyn discovered about cross-cutting partnerships was that couples with contrasting levels of interest in politics experience more friction than couples who identify with opposite political parties.

Van Duyn also said that, according to her investigations, ambiguity around what someone supports can also create tension in a connection since it may come across as one person’s lack of willingness to take a stand.

Julia Waelder, senior in LAS, said she felt her ex-boyfriend’s interest level in current events and politics was lower compared to hers.

“It always frustrated me because it was like, ‘How could you not care to even know what’s going on?’” Waelder said.

Lauren Hackett, senior in LAS, also reflected on Waelder’s experience from a third-party perspective.

“It is like a betrayal because Julia’s so outward about her political motives,” Hackett said.

Van Duyn said she found that when people view morality as intertwined with politics, they view those of the opposite political party as having fundamentally opposite morals than them.

When couples face an instance like this, it can influence major decisions by the partners, such as whether to raise a family together or separate.

During Van Duyn’s inquiries, she spoke to individuals of diverse demographics in multiple stages of relationships, such as casual dating or several years of marriage.

“For some of the couples that I talked to, it was like, ‘I can’t have children or raise a family with someone who I think has different values than I do,’” Van Duyn said.

Van Duyn referenced key observations by social psychologist Jonathan Haidt suggesting liberals and conservatives apply morality alternatively to each other. 

Haidt’s discoveries, as cited by Van Duyn, found that many conservative messages focus on following authority and policies regarding the rule of law, while liberal messages focus on care for others. 

“Both of those things can be valid,” Van Duyn said. “It’s just how you view the policy in one lens or another.” 

According to Van Duyn, there is evidence that members of social groups like race or gender tend to affiliate with the party their social group gravitates toward. 

There is often a disconnect between one’s political affiliation and their individual morals due to this tendency.

Isabele Schuerman, junior in ACES, recalled a time when someone they dated changed their political affiliation based on their lover. 

“After I dated someone, she ended up dating a man afterwards, and that completely changed her political views, which was really interesting to me,” Schuerman said.

Until partners have an explicit conversation about their beliefs, Van Duyn said they will never know if they are actually morally aligned or not.

“It’s sad because then you kind of miss the ability to connect across those differences,” Van Duyn said.

Couples interviewed by Van Duyn realized they shared the same view of reality through core principles and a common moral foundation, even if they supported different political parties.

Van Duyn also said that people in cross-cutting relationships could gain a new perspective on topics they had not previously considered and move past surface-level disagreements, making political differences less of a threat to their bond.

“It depends on how willing you are to compromise,” Hackett said. “Are your beliefs detrimental to someone’s life?” 

Hackett states that the political polarization over the last decade influences how people approach partnerships and each party’s societal role. 

“We’re made to see each other as such enemies, because that’s how it’s framed in this current day narrative,” Hackett said. “We’re not enemies, we’re just trying to have a system that works for everyone.”

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