For the average person, leaving the house in the morning is a simple and mundane task, but for Mattie Fash, a University graduate student, poet, trans woman and witch, this is a more powerful ritual.

“I live right across the street from Crystal Lake Park, so I’m always greeted with a little bit of nature before I head out the door, which, as someone that grew up in the country, that is really important to me,” Fash said.

This scenic outlook stands as a reminder of where Fash came from and the impact it continues to have on her work and identity. Fash’s upbringing in rural Marshall, Illinois, sparked several decisions that currently shape her day-to-day life.

Although Fash’s father worked as a farmer, he was ultimately the reason she felt free to pursue creative writing despite its potential for financial instability. The average starting salary for University graduates with creative writing majors is $39,000, a low rate to live off of as many consumer goods are still affected by high inflation from COVID.

“Watching him love something that much really impressed on me how important it is to pursue what you love, even if it causes you to struggle a little bit financially sometimes,” Fash said.

Fash has been a writer in some way, shape or form throughout her entire life, and her father has always supported her endeavors. Due to his unwavering support and passion, her father quickly became one of the most influential people in Fash’s life.

“Her father was a stabilizing force for her,” said Fash’s partner, Trenton Guyer. “(Her father was) a force for good.”

Fash went into college as an English major and decided to dabble in a creative writing course her sophomore year. From that point forward, she discovered writing poetry was her true passion and has continued ever since.

“When I first went into it, writing fiction was kind of the plan, and then I discovered my love of poetry, and it was kind of all over from there really,” Fash said.

The former Marshall resident’s upbringing in a rural community continues to impact her work with prominent themes of nature and familial relationships.

“She’s very aware of where she’s from and how she uses that to fuel a lot of her poetry,” Guyer said.

Looking back at her first few pieces, the poet realized that she was utilizing the art form to explore her identity as a trans woman. Before she transitioned, much of her work explored themes of self-discovery and identity through the lens of female characters.

“I reached a point where I couldn’t lie to myself anymore,” Fash said. “I was so exhausted with it.”

When Fash came out as a trans woman last January, she noticed a drastic change in her writing. She felt that her writing became more honest, and she “unlocked something” in her work.

“What answers can you find if you’re still lying to yourself?” Fash said.

Others took note of the change in her work, including Erin Stoodley, a graduate student studying poetry in Fash’s cohort. 

“There’s a sense of play in Mattie’s writing that has increasingly emerged over the years,” Stoodley wrote in an email interview. “I don’t mean ‘play’ in a frivolous sense, but in that essential lyrical way — e.g. the exploration of body as form, form as body.”

While developing her poetry and searching for her identity, Fash found another outlet that pushed her towards her eventual self-acceptance — witchcraft.

Fash’s female relatives have a long history of practicing witchcraft, and the practice took a special place in her heart. As Fash grew up, she associated a strong connection between femininity and witchcraft.

“This sort of reclamation of feminine objects and feminine power is something I’ve always really felt drawn to,” Fash said. “I think especially growing up, before I fully embraced my transness, this was my way to feel like a woman in a lot of ways. Being a witch was the closest I could get to saying I was a woman.”

While Fash recognized that male practitioners exist, her familial roots in Scandinavian witchcraft were heavily dominated by women. Fash continues to practice witchcraft even after her transition through divination. She explained the tradition as “the art of gaining information through means other than the five senses.” The poet uses this practice as a way to enact self-improvement.

Through her witchcraft, Fash connected with Guyer’s grandmother, a fellow witch. Before meeting each other, both women practiced individually, but have found community through each other. Guyer, being very close to his grandmother, is very thankful for the tight-knit relationship that Fash and his grandmother share.

While it seems unlikely, Fash found an intersection between her writing and witchcraft to combine her two passions. Her experience in witchcraft allows her to add a richness to her writing that sets her apart from other poets.

“Mattie is a highly intuitive person whose witchcraft deeply informs her sense of the world,” Stoodley wrote. “It’s only natural that this intuition undergirds her poetry — both its content and form.”

To the poet, writing and witchcraft are inseparable.

“Poetry, to me, is a kind of witchcraft,” Fash said. “It doesn’t feel like something separate from the way I practice magic. It feels like an act of magic in and of itself.”

Both witchcraft and poetry have undoubtedly allowed Fash to truly embrace and accept her identity, which was not an easy feat. As the writer struggled internally with her journey to self-discovery, she was able to rely on both passions to assist her in the process. While the path to embracing identity can be challenging and lonely, Fash was always able to count on her ability to write and practice witchcraft.

Although she has accepted and embraced her truth, Fash will continue writing and practicing witchcraft while providing others with the guidance they need to feel comfortable in their own skin. While the journey was difficult and isolating, Fash is grateful for the wide variety of experiences she had while transitioning.

“She’s just a blindingly intelligent woman, just super creative and passionate,” Guyer said. “I really hope that the people she meets in the future see that too because she’s amazing.”

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