Not too long ago, Jadakiss released his single “Why.” In this song, Jada asks important questions such as, “Why did Bush have to knock down the towers?” and “Why, at the bar, you ain’t taking straight shots instead of popping Cris?”

These burning questions have taken over radio and pop media. Why, indeed, “ain’t we stacking instead of trying to be fly?”

In honor of this song, and to continue the Daily Illini’s tradition of asking tough questions, I have generated my own “Why” song for college students. It’s a little ditty that goes a something like this:

Yo, yo/ Why is 8 a.m. classes as hard as it gets?/ Why is tuition designed to keep the student in debt?/ And why I got to walk to Animal Science for English class?/ And why do girls wear jeans that show the crack of their ass?/ Yeah, and why is too hot in the day and too cold at night?/ And why freshman go to bars just to get in fights?/ Why do only homeless people hit on me when I go down Green?/ And why do TA’s skip out on their own office-hours scene?/ Why the Chief gotta cause such drama?/ Why the Republicans wanna hate on Obama?/ Why?

[Chorus]

All that we been given/ Is this dream that keep us driven/ To leave this school system/ Why they gotta do us like that?/ Need to get our degree/ To get a job in the city/ Why, oh, why?/ Why they gotta do us like that?/ Why did the videotape show them only stopping blacks? And why there always got be a train blocking the tracks?/ Why they have to change everything to Banner?/ And why don’t parking cops got better manners?/ Why do Christmas break gotta be months away?/ Why don’t I feel safe going home at the end of the day?/ Why do I gotta wait five minutes to cross Green?/ Why don’t we have the right of way like other campus scenes?/ Why is the alma mater scary to walk upon?/ Why the University ain’t been cool since Hefner’s gone?/ Why, oh, why?

[Chorus]

Why do LAS herd us into classrooms too small?/ Why can’t I even smash my way into Altgeld Hall?/ Why they got to have more freshmen than before?/ Why they making it easier to get in the door? Why do my apartment leak when there’s a storm?/ Why ain’t Mary Kate and Ashley living in a dorm?/ And why Elie want to hate on the Islam nation?/ Why are all the bee exterminators on vacation?/ Why they sell us credit cards at the local Pizza Hut?/ And why do bums pick up old cigarette butts?

[Chorus]

Why we gotta graduate and not get a job?/ Why we can’t walk the Quad without being mobbed?/ Why they want to hand you fliers that you don’t want?/ Why voting make all us nonchalant?/ Why Drew and Bono try to get us involved?/ Why ain’t 9/11 yet been resolved?/ Why do men want to hate on Take Back the Night?/ Why they ain’t realize it’s about our fight?/ And why the Chinese food here not taste good?/ And why Dan Rather not know stuff he should?/ Why, oh, why?

[Chorus]

And why diversity limited to places in Chi-town?/ And why Anna Nicole have to slim down?/ Why do Europeans hate us with a passion?/ And why are big boobs always in fashion?/ Yeah, and why the Union clock always wrong?/ And why they gotta make mass e-mails so long?/ Why it so much work to wash our clothes?/ Why can’t we park without being towed? / Why do Kam’s always got a line out of the door?/ Why do my column always leave ya wanting more?

And because I just asked the most important question, I think I’ll end my Jada-inspired song right here. If you have an answer to any of these festering questions, drop me a line. Holla.

Bridget Sharkey is a senior in LAS. Her column runs Mondays. She can be reached at [email protected].