During the final presidential debate, each candidate was asked if they believed homosexuality was a choice. President Bush predictably replied, “I don’t know.” Sen. John Kerry said he believed homosexuality was not a choice and replied “If you were to talk to Dick Cheney’s daughter, who is a lesbian, she would tell you that she’s being who she was; she’s being who she was born as.”

What many saw as a smart move by Kerry in the debates was seen by others as shameless and unfair. TV news pundits and conservative talking heads alike cried foul over Kerry’s “outing” of Vice President Cheney’s lesbian daughter, Mary.

Lynne Cheney, Dick Cheney’s wife, told a Pittsburgh audience, “The only thing I can conclude is (Kerry) is not a good man. I’m speaking as a mom.” She then went on to call Kerry’s remark a “cheap and tawdry political trick.”

Of course, if anyone would know “cheap and tawdry,” it would be Lynne Cheney. Unknown to most people, Lynne authored the 1981 romance novel Sisters. In it, the main character Sophie Dymond (Mrs. Cheney’s got a knack for porn names) had to survive in a world where “women were forced to band together for the strength they needed and at times for the love they wanted.” In other words, Lynne Cheney wrote a romance novel chock-full of hot lesbian sex. But how hot, you ask? Petticoat-busting hot! Here’s a sample: “She took off her dress, her petticoat, her corset, her stockings. Even her lacy undershirt and drawers were wet, clinging to her body before she stripped them off.”

When Illinois senate candidate and fellow Republican Alan Keyes called Mary Cheney a selfish hedonist, the Cheneys said nothing. Compare that to last week, when Mrs. Cheney used that public campaign stop in Pittsburgh to express her anger toward Sen. Kerry. Lynne’s moral outrage is a complete farce. Dick Cheney actually thanked John Edwards for mentioning his daughter during the vice presidential debate and even brought her up during a speech last August. Clearly it is Lynne Cheney – and not Sen. Kerry -, who is using Mary’s lesbianism for political purposes.

This is shameful behavior – especially coming from Mrs. Cheney, who wrote in her hot-lesbian-sex novel that “the women who embraced in the wagon were Adam and Eve crossing a dark cathedral stage – no, Eve and Eve.”

Mary Cheney has been very public about her lesbianism. She ran same-sex outreach for both the Coors corporation and the Republican Party. She regularly appears in public with her partner and still works with the same-sex community. She also currently runs her father’s re-election campaign. Mary not only willingly put herself in the political spotlight, she also willingly associated herself with the issue of same-sex rights.

Kerry did not “out” Mary; he only stated a known fact. What the Bush team really is angry about is that Kerry “outed” Mary Cheney to their bigoted, conservative base. They unfortunately see homosexuality as an affliction – something to be ashamed of. Thus, they are furious at Kerry for publicly painting Dick Cheney as someone who is tolerant of homosexuality.

This flap over Kerry’s comment is nothing more than a way for conservatives to distract voters from the issues. Bush and Cheney are pandering to bigotry in order to get votes. They shamefully used the same-sex marriage debate to divide the country, even going so far as to try to amend the U.S. Constitution to deny homosexuals equal rights. Think about that: Dick Cheney worked to deny his own daughter’s equal rights under the law. By pointing out that Dick Cheney’s daughter is a lesbian, Kerry simply was showing how this issue can affect anyone’s family, even the vice president’s.

In fairness, I feel obliged to give hot-lesbian-sex-connoisseur Lynne Cheney the final word: “Sophie saw that the front of her dress strained slightly. Her breasts were growing.” Thank you, Lynne Cheney, you can be my “cheap and tawdry political trick” anytime.

Eric Naing is a junior in LAS. His column runs Wednesdays. He can be reached at [email protected].