In his column, “Get Naughty for Halloween,” Chris Kozak expanded the horizons of journalism with what will be known as the “minimalist column.” That is, a column stripped of all wit, subtlety and style. In the childlike elegance of his prose, Kozak presented a misogynistic tour de force: A puerile fanfare, unadulterated by the crutches of humor or complex thought. Whereas another columnist could hide behind an affable charm or keen intellect, Chris would not compromise. Chris Kozak had the courage to reveal his chauvinism to the world, and with the social repartee of an anus, he did so. To honor his achievement, I call upon The Daily Illini to retire Chris Kozak. Give him the space he needs to pursue his interests in boobies and edible paste. Your craft will suffer for his absence, but it is the right thing to do. Put that stud to pasture.

John Marlin

sophomore in ACES