There are many things to hate about kids. There is the way they are always begging for Kool-Aid and Popsicles. There is the way they always have peanut butter on their faces and spaghetti sauce on their shirt – even if they only had fries for lunch.

But there is quite possibly nothing more annoying than kids trying to learn and have fun at the same time. At least, that must be how the vandals of the St. Louis Science Center feel.

For those of you who don’t know, St. Louis is a city just a few hours south of here. So far, only a couple hundred of people live there, and most of us are inbred freaks. However, if the crops do good this year (and Pa’s been working real hard, so let’s hope so, y’all) we might even put in a few roads and telephone poles.

Unfortunately, one of the city’s few claims to fame, the St. Louis Science Center, was vandalized last week causing thousands of dollars of damage. The vandals spray-painted obscene words on the outside of the building in order to protest a movie on F-15 fighter pilots that is showing inside on the Omnimax screen.

In particular, a banner with the words “Fighter Pilot: Operation Red Flag” was targeted by the vandals who expressed an anti-war sentiment. According to KSDK NewsChannel 5, “Science center officials say while the vandals were protesting the war, the film is about the science and teamwork of flying an F-15 and does not support the war.”

Thus, even though fighter pilots are undeniably tools of war, the movie itself did not take a stand on the issue. However, it isn’t likely that the vandals even bothered to see the movie. The very picture of a fighter pilot on the Science Center’s outdoor banner made it worthy of destruction. According to this logic, any historical museum that portrays images of war or Revolutionary muskets deserves to be vandalized. We don’t need our kids learning about the history of warfare and its apparatuses. This is no time for them to be growing up. They need to be off reading poetry under a maple tree and eating sunshine.

Even if the movie had expressed a stance on the war, the vandals had no right to deface the Science Center. While a pro-war movie for children would have been inappropriate and sick, what the vandals did was not much better. Nothing says “Kids, war is bad” like “Go F*ck Yourself, Bush” on the side of a building. As St. Louis Science Center spokesperson Marti Cortez states, “We had a lot of children expected at the science center this morning. We had to act quickly to get rid of the profanity. It was…very shocking for us.”

As someone who was dragged on many field trips to the science center, I think I speak for the people of St. Louis-pro-war and anti-war alike-when I say “Hey, vandals. Keep your hands off our building. Isn’t there a McDonalds you can pee on?”

And if my shining rhetoric doesn’t stop them-not very likely, I know-then maybe someone could point out that the people who pay for the Science Center do not have a say in which movies are shown at the Omnimax theater. The little old grandma who has a membership for her grandchildren is not necessarily pro-war. She just wants her kids to have fun and learn about the magic of dinosaurs and light refraction. So when her membership fees go up to help pay for the repairs, who has really been hurt by this selfish act? Because she’s little. And old. And probably on heart medication that she has to buy from Canada.

So, vandals, I hope you’re happy. Even though you hardly made your point to little Bobby about the evils of war, at least he got to go on a field trip and see a spray-painted penis.