I have a confession to make everyone. I wear eyeshadow, I am a VIP member of Solar Tan and the very hands I am typing this with are tipped with long nails that are painted a shade called “Pretty Pretty Princess.”

If I ever go without shaving my armpits and legs, it’s not some well-thought out political statement, it’s just because I forgot to pick up some Gillette Daisy’s. So what’s wrong with my attention to cuticles and fine hairs?

Nothing, except for the fact that I consider myself a feminist. This seems to annoy people. It does not just annoy the Ann Coulter types who espouse a skewed picture of feminism in which women wear combat boots and march around like the Gestapo. It also seems to annoy the women who play into this stereotype all so that they can exclude the Cover Girl types.

A female teacher of mine once asked, “Do you all think that a blue-haired feminist would have trouble getting a job as a bank manager?” A kid raised his hand and said “Uhhh, yeah, she’s too radical.” For which reason would the hypothetical character be too radical? Because of her blue hair, or because she was feminist? And, seriously, when did the two become mutually exclusive?

If Betty Friedan decreed somewhere that women’s rights were about wearing Goodwill blazers, abstaining from drinking diet coke, or dying your hair some unfortunate shade, I must have been taken off the e-mail list a long time ago for wearing Juicy Couture or something.

I was actually under the impression that feminism was about women thinking for themselves and ensuring equality between the sexes. Why fight the good fight only to have other women dictate what I can think by forcing me to froth at the mouth over Playboy and the Miss America Pageant? What does burning my bra really accomplish, other than everything flopping around and a waste of a good $50?

Sorry, but I believe there are bigger fish for feminists to fry. For instance, it’s 2005 and Roe vs. Wade is still in danger of being overturned. Have we already forgotten the little anecdote about a woman that worked for Wal-Mart and asked for a promotion, only to be told she should get more “dolled-up?” I guess since she was a truck driver she didn’t realize haute couture was a must for the Sam’s Choice runway …

If you believe these problems exist only in the cold world of corporations, you’re wrong. Next time you are in your theoretical and applied mechanics class, take a look around and notice the ratio of men to women. Chances are the three girls in the class already have.

When I was a freshman and still pretending to want to be a lawyer, I read an entire article about what a boy’s club law school is. It included stories of women who were openly discouraged by their professors and a list that rated the best and worst law schools for women to attend to avoid discrimination. Women should be able to attend any school they can get into and not have to worry about how they will be treated.

Why is it that when problems such as these abound before us, certain feminists can only complain about Tara Reid’s fake teats and my tanning addiction (which is in remission now, thanks for the concern)? Because of backlash politics and perpetuated stereotypes, my generation has had to contend with a caricature of feminism encapsulated by this famous Rush Limbaugh quote: “Feminism was established so as to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream of society.”

Maybe women should do themselves a favor and not buy into Rush’s definition. It’s so post-feminist.