This is the 31st and final column of my University of Illinois undergraduate career. And for helping me become a wildly successful columnist (and by wildly successful, I mean not getting fired from the DI), I have a lot of people to thank.

First, I have to thank last year’s opinions editor Wayne Ma for taking a chance and hiring someone who wrote a sample column about eating contests and hand-to-antler combat with deer. What were you thinking on that one?

I also have to thank our current opinions editor Kali Bhandari and assistant opinions editor Kiyoshi Martinez – for keeping me around another semester and not kicking me to the curb. I’m not sure what I would’ve done without this huge salary coming in every two weeks.

OK, now that I’m done with all that obligatory crap, let’s get to the real thank yous.

Thank you to former student trustee Nate Allen and the PRC. Without these wonderful individuals, the pro-Chief movement would not be as strong and organized as it is today. Because of Mr. Allen’s refusal to listen to the voices of the overwhelming majority of students on the issue, we’ve now elected two pro-Chief trustees back to back. As students, we’ve come together to help make sure we can keep this great tradition forever. And for the PRC? Well, keep crying, and we’ll keep laughing – at you.

Thank you to everyone who wrote me letters – lovers and haters alike. I found out that I’m “wise beyond my years,” “a pathetic, mainstream joke,” a “meat-eating man’s man” and “a giant tool.” I also want to thank “Amber” from “Chicago” who sent me hate mail via the U.S. Postal Service but addressed it to “Michael Kozak.” My name is Chris, but it’s the thought that counts – and the fact that she didn’t enclose any anthrax. And to the girl who got upset because I didn’t respond to her e-mail that simply stated “you suck,” I just don’t have a comeback for that. Actually I do, but I’m not allowed to print it.

Thank you to everyone who came up to me in person and told me what they thought of my articles. Direct feedback is always appreciated. Oh, and Jill from The Planet – I mean, “No Rules Radio” – the only column I wrote the words “Hootie and the Blowfish” in is this one. Therefore, you owe me some money. I accept cash. Thanks.

And of course, thank you to all the readers. I feel like I touched on a lot of newsworthy topics this year – like Halloween costumes, fantasy football, exotic and erotic cell phone rings, Fred Durst, music preferences and why Conan O’Brien is so awesome. Sure, if you wanted to read about Bush and Kerry or Iraq, my column would be the last place you’d look, but I hope I wrote about a wide enough variety of topics to keep it interesting and different each week. And whether you liked my articles or not, I hope at the very least I gave you a five minute break from your boring Wednesday lecture.

Also, thank you to everyone who gave me something to poke fun at – like steroid abusing athletes, mental health advocates, drag queens, parents who blame society for their obese children, people who want to change the name of the state, PETA members and, of course, Gov. Blagojevich. Without these people, my columns consisting of “almost news” events would never have been possible.

And finally, I want to say thank you to all of my friends and everyone else I’ve met during these best four years of my life. While I’m excited to begin my career in management consulting this summer, I know it probably won’t be nearly as fun as my college career. It’s been quite a ride and I’ve been unbelievably fortunate to experience it with all of you. Best wishes to everybody, and remember to keep on truckin’.