What are you still doing here? Spring break officially begins today. Think of it as a carnivalesque experience – a time when you pervert the social order act irresponsibly and forget about all the pressures of school and the impending real world. Celebrate as soon as classes end to take full advantage of the worry-free break.

For those of you leaving Chambana and our picturesque state, exploiting the college worry-free experience won’t be difficult. However, for those who are stuck in the plains of Illinois, I suggest fully exercising your imaginative powers. Remember: think warm, be warm. Maybe your mind will need a little help. If you want to feel like you’re in Mexico, add a prop – drink a Corona. This may make it easier to imagine a new location.

Actually, those who remain in Illinois do have an advantage over the southern migrants, yes it’s true! You have a smaller chance of damaging your physical and emotional character. From your couch in the Midwest, you can imagine being in Mexico or Florida, without all the consequences.

I can pretty much guarantee there will not be any creepy filmmakers trying to capture “Girls Gone Wild: University of Illinois Spring Break Edition” here in C-U. Be thankful that your family will not have the chance of viewing an obscene video of you on the Internet.

Also, you should be thankful you’re not in an environment with hundreds of drunk, horny people. At least you’ll have less temptation of cheating on your boyfriend or girlfriend.

Now, I know this seems ridiculous – who doesn’t want nameless sex with random beautiful strangers? Maybe many of you are traveling south with this one goal. Sex with no strings attached – the glorious advantages of being a spring-breaking college student.

Although I was initially promoting irresponsibility, I need to back track slightly and talk in my mother voice.

Next to your tanning oil, pack your condoms.

After our initial FYCARE workshop as freshmen, we like to forget about the consequences of sex. However, we are the age group most at risk of contracting STIs. The Center for Disease Control estimates that “19 million new infections occur each year, almost half of them among young people ages 15 to 24.” According to the American Academy of Dermatology, “the United States has the highest rate of STDs in the world. Two thirds of all STDs occur in teenagers and young adults under the age of 25. One out of four sexually active teenagers will get an STD before he or she turn 21.”

So let’s think about this for a second: If you have sex with four people during your tour de Mexico, you most likely will be exposed to an STI.

Actually, according to McKinley’s information resources, “most sexually active students acquire HPV at some point during college.” Human Papillomavirus is the most common STI in the United States. Although most infections do not cause health problems because your immune system can eliminate the virus, there are some “high risk” strains that can lead to genital warts and cervical cancer.

The most shocking information about Human Papillomavirus: condoms do not totally prevent the transmission of the virus. Condoms only reduce the risk of contracting the infection.

If this is true, why did I suggest packing condoms? Remember your little rubber friend does help prevent the contraction of other STIs, including chlamydia, gonorrhea, herpes, and HIV/AIDS.

Do us all a favor and protect yourself. You have no excuse. McKinley gives out FREE condoms.

Phew – I’m glad we got the sex talk out of the way. I’ll spare you the speech on the spring break dangers of alcohol, tanning and Montezuma’s Revenge. But seriously, take care of yourself, have an amazing time and bring back stories so we can live vicariously through you.

To everyone, do your best to make it a spring break you’ll never forget, whether or not you leave Illini country.

Renee Thessing is a junior in LAS. She’ll be avoiding Montezuma’s revenge in the sunny spring scenery of Wisconsin. Her column appears on a rotating schedule. She can be reached at [email protected].