On May 1, 2003 President Bush arrived on the USS Abraham Lincoln aircraft carrier fresh from the invasion of Iraq. Standing under the now infamous star-spangled “MISSION ACCOMPLISHED” banner and dressed in full flight suit, the president proclaimed, “major combat operations in Iraq have ended.” Women swooned at his unparalleled manliness; men broke social taboos and openly fawned over his engorged codpiece. Oh wait, that was just the American news media.

Before delving into the press’s craven bootlicking, let’s first look at some numbers concerning Iraq provided by www.thinkprogress.org. Since the president’s mission accomplished moment two years ago this week, 16,972 U.S. troops have been wounded and 2,261 have been killed. The estimated number of insurgents in Iraq has risen from 5,000 to 15,000, and the number of insurgent attacks per day have risen from eight to 75. The cost of the war has also risen by $241 billion, while support for the war has dropped from 70 to 41 percent.

Watchdog group Media Matters documented the reaction to Bush’s aircraft carrier photo-op and discovered some truly cringe-worthy examples of the press’ collective orgasm. The worst offender by far was MSNBC’s Chris Matthews. On his show “Hardball,” Matthews conclusively declared that the president “won the war.” Sounding less like a pundit and more like a teenage girl reading “Tiger Beat,” Matthews gushed, “The president there – look at this guy!” Barely able to hide his growing erection, Matthews later added another, “Look at this guy!”

Also appearing on “Hardball,” former Nixon lackey G. Gordon Liddy openly commented on the First Crotch saying, “It makes the best of his manly characteristic . He has just won every woman’s vote in the United States of America. You know, all those women who say size doesn’t count – they’re all liars. Check that out.”

The American news media loves to repeat the same narratives ad nauseum. Since the 2000 presidential election, the media narrative on Bush has been that he is a rustic cowboy that you would like to have a beer with. The media’s reaction to the “MISSION ACCOMPLISHED” stunt is just a continuation of that narrative.

Despite overwhelming evidence that this image of Bush is blatantly manufactured, the press continues to handle the president’s image with kid gloves. At the recent White House Correspondents Dinner, an annual event historically used to make fun of the president, comedian Steven Colbert gave a hilarious and biting performance that the press downplayed.

Standing mere feet from President Bush, Colbert said, “I stand by this man because he stands for things. Not only for things, he has stood on things. Things like aircraft carriers and rubble and recently-flooded city squares. And that sends a strong message, that no matter what happens to America, she will always rebound with the most powerfully staged photo-ops in the world.”

Colbert also joked about failures in Iraq, Bush’s plunging poll numbers, and the many scandals plaguing this administration. The Editor & Publisher reported that the president looked “obviously offended,” and that Colbert left President Bush and the First Lady “unsmiling.”

The mainstream press coverage of the dinner glossed over Colbert’s performance and focused mostly on the lame bit the president did with a look-alike. On CNN.com, a video segment about the dinner is titled “Bush imposter steals the show” and fawns over Bush’s ability to “poke fun at himself.” Those in the press that actually did mention Colbert quoted only his less vicious jokes or claimed that he “was over the line,” or that he “bombed badly” and “was not very funny.”

Again, the press hails Bush’s supposed self-depreciating humor while ignoring the fact that the president obviously doesn’t like to be made fun of. In the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina, top aides to the president told Newsweek, “Bush can be cold and snappish in private.” That is the real President Bush: overly sensitive, obsessed with self-image and cold. The Texan cowboy/jet fighter image is nothing but window dressing that hides a privileged, draft-dodging, frat boy from Connecticut.

Eric Naing is a senior in LAS. His column appears on Tuesdays. He can be reached at [email protected].