What they never telling incoming freshmen is that you only have to be 19 to get in at most bars in Champaign.

And it’s really unfortunate that they don’t let people know because you’ll likely make an ass of yourself at one point in time (not that I’ve ever done that).

But really, there is etiquette one must follow when indulging in a night on the town. So for all of those who can legally enter the bars, especially those who can legally drink, allow me to offer you this education.

Lesson #1: Every song is not your song.

It’s late at night, and you’ve been dancing with your friends for a while. Next thing you know Journey comes on, and it seems like everybody in the bar is fist-pumping in unison.

Then the DJ switches it up a bit and puts on “Irreplaceable” by Beyonce and your mind flashes back to that bitterness you have for whatever person dumped you last. So you scream, especially if you’re a girl, “Oh my God! This is my song!”

Following some lame dance moves coordinated to the lyrics, the DJ puts on “My Humps” and that girl you went to a frat party with one time your freshman year comes up to you yelling “Oh my God! Remember, this is our song!”

Reality check: I’m pretty sure that song belongs to Fergie, her creepy looking band mates and a sizable corporation.

It’s not your song. None of the songs you heard that night are your song because, to the best of my knowledge, nobody at the University is a rock star. You may have memories with that song, but it’s not yours.

If you’re at the point in the night where every song is “your song,” then chances are you need to get some pizza, go home and call it a night. The combination of your dance moves and screaming is more than embarrassing.

Lesson #2: If your friends are cheering on your dance moves, they’re really laughing at you.

After a few drinks you find yourself moving in what you think is unison with the music. The bass is bumping, and next thing you know your booty is bumping into everything and everyone around you.

You’re dancing like nobody is watching.

But everybody is watching. And they’re laughing at you.

You, however, are slightly impaired and just think that they’re cheering you on. So you dance even more wildly than you did before, and when you wake up in the next afternoon there are 23 pictures tagged on Facebook.

Only then will you understand how awesome your dance moves really are.

Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Lesson #3: Never accept a drink from the guy sitting by himself.

Or the girl sitting alone, either.

The thing is, you can’t accept the drink without inviting that person over to hang out with your friends. The only way you could do that is if you’re completely morally bankrupt, in which case you probably don’t have any friends to go to the bars with.

Anyway, once you’ve invited that person over, they’re going to keep buying you drinks. And the creepy guy that buys you drinks isn’t doing it because you have a great personality, so don’t fool yourself.

Next thing you know, the creeper will be trying to convince you to speak to him in Spanish while trying out dance moves featured in only the most provocative of music videos. Soon you’ll be asking your friends to help you get away from him, but there is no getting away.

That is, unless you literally run away, which is much harder than if you had just declined the drink in the first place.

Creepers put you in a hard position, male or female. Don’t get ensnared.

Any other lessons, you’re just going to have to learn on your own.