I think Derek Zoolander put it best when he said, “You think that you’re too cool for school, but I have a newsflash for you, Walter Cronkite: You aren’t.”

That’s right, I’m talking to you, Notre Dame. You’re 0-3, your offense has yet to score a touchdown and you’re looking at a potential 0-8 start before you play a “winnable” game against Navy (which probably feels pretty good about snapping its 43-game losing streak against you).

You look like you’ve lost your confidence and infamous swagger that has made you one of the most hated and loved teams across the nation. Now people just watch your games for the same reason they watch NASCAR – to see the gruesome crash and burn.

I could sit here and write a column about why Notre Dame is struggling, or how entertaining it is to watch Jimmy Clausen scramble for his life, but that’s too easy. Instead, I’m going to offer this team a solution that will plug the leak and save this program for the future: join the Big Ten.

Some of you probably just gagged a little after reading that. I know I did after writing it.

But the move could make sense not just for the Irish, but for everybody.

One of the main reasons Notre Dame has twice turned down the Big Ten’s invitation to join the conference is because the school wants to maintain its independent roots and have a schedule that puts the Irish up against teams from coast to coast for maximum national exposure. But Notre Dame’s 2007 schedule, however, features four games against teams from the Big Ten Conference – the most from any one conference.

With Big Ten teams now playing four nonconference games, this means if Notre Dame was in the Big Ten, it would only have to change one-third of its current schedule to conference opponents. With the four nonconference games, the Irish could still keep their independent roots by scheduling games against west coast rivals (USC) and east coast rivals (Navy and Boston College) while also dropping cupcake teams (Duke and Army) and establishing new conference rivalries (Ohio State and Wisconsin).

Annexing Notre Dame would also end the Big Ten’s search for the ever-coveted 12th team that member schools have been looking for.

In order to expand the coverage area of the Big Ten Network, adding a 12th team would be most beneficial to the conference if the new school was from a state that didn’t already have a Big Ten institution. While Indiana has two such schools, Notre Dame is unique in the sense that its fan base stretches beyond regional borders. With Irish interest in major markets across the nation, the network could see huge expansion into regions well outside the Midwest.

Adding a 12th team would also allow the Big Ten to be able to add a conference championship game much like the SEC and Big 12 have in which the winners of the two separate divisions play an extra game to determine a single conference champion. While the Big Ten would love to add the game for the cash that it would bring in, the game would also clearly crown a conference champion and leave no more doubt as to who the Big Ten’s BCS representative would be.

Maybe most important for the Irish nation, though, is that joining the Big Ten would be something the university could sell to its fans while the programs waits to develop its young talent. Notre Dame had a monster recruiting class last year and has one of the top recruiting classes this year, but the school needs to give fans hope that the program is moving forward, and its play on the field this year isn’t a good selling point. By joining the Big Ten, Notre Dame can have a fresh start in a new situation and start building a new tradition of Irish football that the fans can rally behind.

I know people from both the Big Ten and Notre Dame will disagree, but the move just seems to make sense as both the conference and the school can help each other grow their institutions larger than they already are.

What do I know, though? I’m just a journalism student who will do whatever it takes and ruin as many people’s lives, so long as I can make a name for myself as a sports columnist, no matter how many friends I lose or people I leave dead and bloodied along the way., just so long so I can make a name for myself as a sports columnist, no matter how many friends I lose or people I leave dead and bloodied and dying along the way.

Kyle Betts is a senior in Communications. He can be reached at [email protected].