“Man, that’s gay!” Since middle school, this phrase has dominated vocabularies as a representation of negative emotion. The exclamation can represent disappointment, annoyance, and dislike. More often than not, we consider the direction of this sentiment at another person an insult. But why?

Well, the enmity inherent in the utterance is more than enough to hurt someone’s feelings. That it attacks the subject’s personal identity could also easily explain why we find it offensive. But beyond even that, the complex mortification it invokes stems from some last, tiny vestige of homophobia ingrained deeply within our cultural consciousness.

To better illustrate the steadfastness of this homophobic reflex, let me briefly relate my personal struggle with it. I transferred to Champaign from the University’s Springfield campus that has struggled with issues of inclusivity regarding its lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ) community. I, along with other students, faculty, and staff, focused a great deal of energy toward the establishment of an open and accepting on-campus environment. My personal efforts included a term on our Queer-Straight Alliance’s executive board, a position as a student representative to our Safe Zone program steering committee, and general promotion of my stance as an active ally.

But when we encounter a subculture whose members cannot be outwardly recognized, we assume that anyone associated with said group must demonstrate qualifying criteria in order to find admittance into that culture (let alone feel concern for its goings-on). In less words, if you participate or express interest in the LGBTQ community, people instantly assume you bat for the other team. Because after all, why would a straight person care about the issues and conflicts faced by people who don’t identify as straight?

Needless to say, my engagement in this particular community (not to mention my personal appearance – have you seen that photo of me yet? I look like the troll under the bridge from “The Three Billy Goats Gruff”…but I digress) has often elicited opinions regarding my sexual interest. Over the course of my life, I’ve had to adjust to people’s assumptions. My freshman year of college, in the midst of my activist efforts, I encountered that troublesome speck of heteronormative feelings. When people called me a lesbian, or obviously had presumed such about me, I felt two things – a need to correct their misinterpretations and a slight bruising of my ego. This became a point of genuine concern for me.

As a person who takes satisfaction in striving for equality, did it reflect poorly on me to feel hurt that someone thought I wasn’t straight? Why would it bother me, when I worked so hard to foster open-mindedness in others? I reviled myself for being such a hypocrite, and long contemplated the root of the problem with the desire of eliminating it.

This defensive attitude to others’ suppositions serves as one of the last hide-outs of homophobia, and a variety of causes contribute to its existence. Sadly, socialization into American culture still includes, in some form, the categorization of sexual interests other than “straight” as “other”: different, abnormal, excluded from the majority. When others accuse us of being the “other,” the implication is that we are strange, that we don’t fit in as our socialization process has conveyed we should.

We are afraid to be labeled as gay or lesbian because, at the very least, we believe it isn’t socially acceptable (though others still may have been taught to view it not only as socially but morally unacceptable). Even for people who identify themselves as accepting and affirming individuals, the stamp of cultural heteronormativity can be difficult to erase.

Speaking from my own conclusions, people faced with this internal dilemma must ask themselves what difference it makes if someone else maintains a morbid obsession with their sexual interest. If the quality of interaction with someone hinges on whether you have a certain inclination, his or her attentions are a waste of your time.

The establishment of equality rests on treating others as equals, not reducing them to meat by defining them according to their sex lives. My advice for discouraging the nosy from your business? Keep a lid on it. To validate their inquiries with answers makes it seem as though it’s acceptable that they asked in the first place. Scrubbing away that little homophobic blot may prove hard, but acknowledging that it’s there is a crucial step toward respecting others – and understanding and respecting yourself.

Chelsea is a junior in English and music and accepts constructive criticism in the form of tomato soup.